Hey people, It’s me, Matthew, bringing you fresh news once more! Is this some cruel joke that the Lazygamer crew have thought up? “Yes, we will trick our readers into thinking that our long-lost cabbage intern is back to write for us once more! MWAHAHAHA WHAT A PRANK! MORE MOBA NEWS! MORE CABBAGE! THEY’LL NEVER SEE IT COMING!”
Sorry to say, this is 100% legit. I’M BACK BABY! No seriously, I’m here to stay. I realise that may sadden some of you who have grown used to nigh zero MOBA news and other bits and bobs that nobody else at Lazygamer HQ wants to write about. Somebody has to do it though, right?
It’s for this very reason that Geoff approached me one fine autumn afternoon, and offered me a position on the team in exchange for a whole year worth of ham sandwiches. Not one to be hoodwinked by the master troll, I negotiated a better wage – a single ham sandwich and a fistful of cabbage seeds – a real bargain if I do say so myself! It all seemed so real until he told me what day I’d be starting – April the 1st. I rocked up this morning fully expecting to be laughed at and thrown out.
I was. Thankfully, I was called back in within minutes and told to start working immediately.
In all seriousness though, this news is very real, and I am exceptionally happy to be back! Those six months of interning last year was some of the most fun I’ve ever had while working, and I really have missed working with this awesome team! The porra ratio has gone up once more. This news makes Sandy happy I’m sure, as he will no longer be facing the usual ridicule from everybody else alone anymore. MY BODY IS READY!
Of course, I’ve missed all of you too! I look forward to being trolled horribly and interacting with you crazy readers in the comments once more 🙂
Last Updated: April 1, 2015
Umar
April 1, 2015 at 11:33
http://i.imgur.com/cBR6Qbz.gif
Pariah
April 1, 2015 at 11:41
That gif is a thousand levels of awesome. Needs more upvotes.
Willem Van Wyk
April 1, 2015 at 13:27
upvote given
hairyknees
April 1, 2015 at 11:44
:D/
Umar
April 1, 2015 at 11:50
Happy ya back, bro 🙂
Kensei Seraph
April 1, 2015 at 11:47
What is that from?
Pariah
April 1, 2015 at 11:48
Ask again tomorrow. You can’t trust the answer today.
Audacity (or-das-it-eeee-eee)
April 1, 2015 at 13:01
Don’t be silly, it’s from Bible Black
Umar
April 1, 2015 at 16:22
LOL…What is this Bible Black you speak of….Hmm…. 😛
Codefridge
April 2, 2015 at 10:32
Beat me to it 😉
Umar
April 1, 2015 at 11:50
Not too sure actually. Gif just looked cool 😛
HairyEwok
April 2, 2015 at 08:46
UUNNNIIVVEEEERRRSSSEEEE!!!!
HvR
April 1, 2015 at 11:33
Dammit Geof April Fools jokes are supposed to be funny not sad.
Corrie
April 1, 2015 at 11:33
Hey welcome back!!
Now get back to work damnit, need me some MOBA news damnit >_< , even if I don't do MOBA's
Lardus-Resident Perve
April 1, 2015 at 11:34
Wait, you were gone? Really? When did that happen?
Blood Emperor Trevor
April 1, 2015 at 11:35
“Itsa me! Matthew!” Opportunity missed.
Corrie
April 1, 2015 at 11:38
Or Matthew has changed his name to Matthewgi
Hey itsa me your brother
Gimme Knife
Audacity (or-das-it-eeee-eee)
April 1, 2015 at 13:02
xD please upvote this!
Mossel
April 1, 2015 at 14:03
Isn’t Mario Italian?
Blood Emperor Trevor
April 1, 2015 at 14:09
All those caucasians look the same to me.
Hammersteyn
April 1, 2015 at 11:38
Worst case of Stockholm syndrome ever this.
Blood Emperor Trevor
April 1, 2015 at 11:39
Do you think Geoff’s tea-bagged him already or is he making him wait in anticipation?
Geoffrey Tim
April 1, 2015 at 11:43
Nah…I’ve turned my attention to another Cabbage. NSFW/L WARNING
Corrie
April 1, 2015 at 11:44
Wait there’s more Cabbage?
HvR
April 1, 2015 at 11:45
Of course Lagz make more money from the Cabbages Gone Wild videos than anything else
Blood Emperor Trevor
April 1, 2015 at 11:45
Dat leafy green!
Corrie
April 1, 2015 at 11:47
The suspense of not knowing what’s inside until you pluck it’s leaves
Corrie
April 1, 2015 at 11:50
MMM makes sense, haven’t seen any of them complaining about being cash strapped for a while
Must mean that Matthew wanted out but Geoff got him back since he needed some mo green’s
or ya know blues and that since too many R10’s just are a mess to walk around with
Corrie
April 1, 2015 at 11:43
The suspense at knowing your going to get tea bagged must be killing him
Ranting Raptor
April 1, 2015 at 12:06
Bwhahahahahahahahaha
Spathi
April 1, 2015 at 11:41
Welcome back! I’m sure the staff are super excited as they don’t have to worry about receiving the “least comments” award any more 😛
Pariah
April 1, 2015 at 11:43
Or posting about MOBAs…
Either way, cabbage pat… Errr. Matt was missed.
Blood Emperor Trevor
April 1, 2015 at 11:45
Who’s Matt?
Pariah
April 1, 2015 at 11:46
He’s the dude hiding under that cabbage-shaped mop. I know, nobody’s seen the real him, but he’s still got feelings… Somewhere.
Kensei Seraph
April 1, 2015 at 11:44
Welcome back.
Trust nothing, trust no one.
-April 1st
Corrie
April 1, 2015 at 11:45
So how can we trust you on what you just said since it’s April 1st?
Kensei Seraph
April 1, 2015 at 11:48
You can’t!
Trust nothing, trust no one.
-April 1st
Corrie
April 1, 2015 at 11:49
Oh no a endless loop of Mistrust
Pariah
April 1, 2015 at 11:50
Those spelling and capitalisation errors cause far more distrust from me than any day of the year ever could. HOW COULD YOU?!
Corrie
April 1, 2015 at 11:52
DoNt InsulT my Engrish
Ma SkilZ are just T00 leaf for U
#L33fSkillz
Pariah
April 1, 2015 at 11:53
*Dies*
Dutch Matrix
April 1, 2015 at 11:56
As does the English language…
Corrie
April 1, 2015 at 11:58
Nooo but I is english
I is shall continue the langauge till day of end
Pariah
April 1, 2015 at 11:58
At the very least, you’ve spelled everything correctly.
Almost everything.
Corrie
April 1, 2015 at 12:01
Woo Hoo 10/10
Would Write again with rice.
Corrie
April 1, 2015 at 11:56
d13S
FTFY
Kensei Seraph
April 1, 2015 at 11:52
Oh no,* an* endless loop of mistrust*.*
Fixed…
Blood Emperor Trevor
April 1, 2015 at 11:52
But did you really fix it? How are we supposed to trust that?
Corrie
April 1, 2015 at 11:53
Wait so am I broken now or what?
Pariah
April 1, 2015 at 11:53
He doesn’t have the qualifications to answer that. 😛
Corrie
April 1, 2015 at 11:56
That makes most of South Africa, your point :p
Pariah
April 1, 2015 at 11:52
The two spelling and caps errors made me completely miss the punctuation. MY EYES.
Derrich Schleich
April 1, 2015 at 12:41
Nothing is true, everything is permitted.
Sageville
April 1, 2015 at 11:47
Hmmmm
Pariah
April 1, 2015 at 11:47
http://store.metmuseum.org/content/ebiz/themetstore/invt/80010981/80010981_01_l.jpg
Sgt. M
April 1, 2015 at 13:22
Looks like this guy is taking an epic sh!t
Peet Luckhoff
April 1, 2015 at 11:50
Great stuff, someone to cover Trackmania again! All mails sent to Gavin just fell on deaf ears.
Pariah
April 1, 2015 at 11:51
Should’ve tried Darryn. He’ll try anything once.
Peet Luckhoff
April 1, 2015 at 11:53
If i had his email, i would have 🙂
Valshen
April 1, 2015 at 11:51
Worst April Fool’s joke ever.
hairyknees
April 1, 2015 at 12:00
<3!
Ryanza
April 1, 2015 at 11:52
Not i will not fall for it. I will need to see an afro tomorrow before I can believe.
Ryanza
April 1, 2015 at 11:53
Can’t I even spell nope. Not.
Captain JJ the damned
April 1, 2015 at 11:52
So what’s the big news? ;P
Aries
April 1, 2015 at 11:53
Never noticed
Viking Of Science
April 1, 2015 at 11:54
Wait, you were gone?
Shan
April 1, 2015 at 11:55
Giff mana n00b!
Pariah
April 1, 2015 at 11:57
But he’s yolo mid rubick. He can’t.
Shan
April 1, 2015 at 12:13
Maybe it would help if i spoke Russian
Matthew Holliday
April 1, 2015 at 13:45
viva Peru.
GeoX
April 1, 2015 at 12:06
Welcome back man!
Cezar
April 1, 2015 at 12:16
HAHAHAHA Another Porra you make our mother land proud, I thought I was the last of the breed to be honest and here i was going to move back now there is purpose once more
ReaperOfSquirrels
April 1, 2015 at 12:30
Welcome back Matty FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEG!
Fork Fork
April 1, 2015 at 13:07
The world just became a better place, the cabbages will grow once again!
Skuifspeld
April 1, 2015 at 13:12
Welcome back. Dota 2 articles about to increase by cabbageloads.
Matthew Holliday
April 1, 2015 at 13:44
Matty fig.
bringing the cancerous community back to Lazygamer.
gg get rekd.
20twelve
April 1, 2015 at 13:50
Welcome back bro!
DrKiller
April 1, 2015 at 14:26
I thought the post is going to be about this:
https://www.onedayonly.co.za/medical-marijuana-5g-bankie-of-the-finest.html
Loftus
April 1, 2015 at 14:40
Loftus
April 1, 2015 at 14:41
this is the best one i have found the whole day!
Mark Treloar
April 1, 2015 at 15:24
You left? I hadn’t noticed.
CAE9872
April 2, 2015 at 10:51
Welkomen back.