What’s the very best thing about The Witcher 3? It’s not the expansive world, or the interesting-interlinking side-quests. It’s not the fact that there are consequences to your actions, or even the Unicorn sex. No, the very best thing about The Witcher 3 is Geralt’s customisable beard – and that fact that it grows in real-time. And though I’ve just recently shaved my own, real-life one off, I have to admit that beards are awesome. Who though, has the best beard in videogames?
I’m torn. When I started this, I was sure it would be the many Russian beard of Street Fighter’s Zangief – but then I remembered the lovely lower mane of Golden Axe’s diminutive Gilius Thunderhead. And then! Then I remembered that sad and depressed Max Payne grew a pretty slick beard in the third game, and that Donkey Kong’s cranky Elder sported impressive muzzle-lashing of his own.
Metal Gear’s Big Boss has a decent enough, though far-too trimmed beard, as does Deus Ex’s Adam Jensen. Real beards though? They should be man-of-themountain stuff, like Bioshock Infinites Zachary Comstock, or the pirate LeChuck’s great big face-poodle.
And honestly? I’m still torn. You tell us: Who has the best beard in videogames?
This is what I’m Tolkien about.
Last Updated: May 22, 2015
Admiral Chief's Adventure
May 22, 2015 at 10:33
Geralt, duh
Admiral Chief's Adventure
May 22, 2015 at 10:34
YOU SHAVED YOUR BEARD?
Interesting
Admiral Chief's Adventure
May 22, 2015 at 10:34
I thought I sensed a disturbance in the BeardForce
Marc O Polo
May 23, 2015 at 20:36
Shaving your beard is like getting your period for the first time… It’s the day you officially become a woman!
Hammersteyn
May 23, 2015 at 23:55
bwahahaha ^This!
Admiral Chief's Adventure
May 25, 2015 at 09:36
xD
Pieter Smal
May 22, 2015 at 10:35
Moi. Beard + Star Wars + awesomeness = best gamer beard 😛
Admiral Chief's Adventure
May 22, 2015 at 10:35
My third Skyrim Nord has a magnificent knotted beard, courtesy of my daughter when we created the character together
Valshen
May 22, 2015 at 10:36
Me, obviously.
Hammersteyn
May 22, 2015 at 10:37
rofl!
Admiral Chief's Adventure
May 22, 2015 at 10:40
I second this motion, the Admiral has spoken
HairyEwok
May 22, 2015 at 10:41
Yeah even i have to stand back for that
ReaperOfSquirrels
May 22, 2015 at 10:55
I was going to say “Valshen does!”, but you beat me to it.
hairyknees
May 22, 2015 at 12:25
That’s what I said! 😛
Thats_how_I_Troll
May 22, 2015 at 12:45
http://i.imgur.com/B83p3OM.gif
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
May 22, 2015 at 10:36
Doctor Light – Megaman
Coz it’s fluffy AF and I want it for the cuddles.
http://static.giantbomb.com/uploads/scale_small/0/26/10586-drlight.jpg
Witcher Bob
May 22, 2015 at 10:37
Wise words from Zangief: And I say, Zangief you are bad guy, but this does not mean you are *bad* guy.
Hammersteyn
May 22, 2015 at 10:37
Zangief
Adam Jensen
Gaun Yu (see attached)
Trevor’s mom?
http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110221100231/dynastywarriors/images/archive/d/d3/20121116014807!Guanyu-dw7.jpg
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
May 22, 2015 at 10:39
90 percent of Dynastty Warrior characters have amazing beards lol
Hammersteyn
May 22, 2015 at 10:39
Gaun Yu accounts for 80% of the 90%
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
May 22, 2015 at 10:42
lol Xiahou Dun is still my fave for both hairstyle and beard.
http://i.imgur.com/syNy1.jpg
Thats_how_I_Troll
May 22, 2015 at 12:34
http://i.imgur.com/X0XmKm7.gif
Ruqi
May 22, 2015 at 10:38
http://bulk2.destructoid.com/ul/user/9/91904-198095-GordonFreemangif-620x.jpg
Hammersteyn
May 22, 2015 at 10:39
meh C- for effort
Trevor Matrix
May 22, 2015 at 10:39
Fuck the beard! I just figured why Gordon Freeman is always so quiet.
The guy is a fucking serial killer!
Look.At.Those.Eyes!
Empty as the void.
As my mother’s soul!
Ruqi
May 22, 2015 at 10:40
Makes sense. Look at how many humans and aliens he’s killed since the first game. Psychopath!
Trevor Matrix
May 22, 2015 at 10:38
Beards? Really Geoff? BEARDS???
RinceTheElfRoot
May 22, 2015 at 12:17
Slow week?
Ruqi
May 22, 2015 at 10:38
http://www.blogcdn.com/www.joystiq.com/media/2008/03/castlecrashingthebeard.jpg
Hammersteyn
May 22, 2015 at 10:38
This!
Witcher Bob
May 22, 2015 at 10:41
Any dwarf in any game. Dwarves seem to have the most epic of beards
Hammersteyn
May 22, 2015 at 10:41
…
http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs23/f/2008/018/2/1/Golden_Axe___Gilius_Thunderhea_by_mat3w.jpg
Captain JJ Hack&Slash&Dodge
May 22, 2015 at 10:56
Damn, beat me to it.
Admiral Chief's Adventure
May 22, 2015 at 10:58
That’s what she said
Mark Treloar
May 22, 2015 at 10:41
Best thing about The Witcher is the execution kills. Also the rolling heads.
Admiral Chief's Adventure
May 22, 2015 at 10:43
After looking at Jensen’s beard for the last few weeks, I have to agree. Quite the shaped masterpiece
Sageville
May 22, 2015 at 10:43
I could give you a pic of the best beard in gaming, but I hate selfies.
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
May 22, 2015 at 10:43
And on this day, a bunch of gamers gathered to perv over grown men’s beards…
Sageville
May 22, 2015 at 10:44
Don’t come here with your naked-face tendancies!
CaptainNemo42
May 22, 2015 at 10:45
Gavlan Wheel, Gavlan Deal!
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
May 22, 2015 at 10:46
Mr.T
https://wordnoiseblog.files.wordpress.com/2013/11/barret_2.jpg
Admiral Chief's Adventure
May 22, 2015 at 10:47
This guy?
(refresh)
Hammersteyn
May 22, 2015 at 10:46
This guy
http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090208040123/gtawiki/images/5/56/RomanBellic-Artwork.jpg
Sageville
May 22, 2015 at 10:47
The question wasn’t “Naffiest character with facial hair”
Hammersteyn
May 22, 2015 at 10:48
That beard has survived some “hairy” situations
Sageville
May 22, 2015 at 10:49
Many close shaves?
Hammersteyn
May 22, 2015 at 10:50
hahaha exactly
Trevor Matrix
May 22, 2015 at 11:12
If Rockstar really cared about it’s fans, the first Trevor mission would go like this:
“Trevor, this is your buddy Roman! Want to go bowling?”
“Yeah sure buddy! Let’s go have a rootin’ tootin time bowling!”
You meet Roman, then kill him in seven creative ways.
I am sure the Pope would applaud this move!
Matthew Holliday
May 22, 2015 at 12:31
it was approved.
removed from the game because gratuitous violence.
decapitation and using his head as a bowling ball was apparently too much for the 12 year olds who play this 18 restricted game.
Sageville
May 22, 2015 at 10:46
“Don’t starve” dood’s beard was epic, also useful…
Kromas,powered by windows 10.
May 22, 2015 at 10:47
Kromas of Dreanor
Ottokie
May 22, 2015 at 10:59
I see you have the Dread raven, so digital deluxe as well, with a 2 month long break so far 😛
Kromas,powered by windows 10.
May 22, 2015 at 11:08
Physical CE for every single expansion. 😛
Ottokie
May 22, 2015 at 11:12
I just want to go back… But I know i will just get bored with the current lack of content again. Got the Firehawk from Raggy and Ashes of Al’ar just before my sub ran out for this break. And that was like my biggest goals for my leisure time 😛
Kromas,powered by windows 10.
May 22, 2015 at 11:25
That is why I play Eve and FFXIV in addition to WoW.
OH crap I have to add skills in Eve.!
Blood Emperor Trevor
May 22, 2015 at 11:00
Damn, Witcher 3 really HAS been downgraded on PC. *run*
Ottokie
May 22, 2015 at 11:00
XD
Kromas,powered by windows 10.
May 22, 2015 at 11:33
Only for Nvidia gamers.
*run*
Admiral Chief's Adventure
May 22, 2015 at 11:36
xD
Admiral Chief's Adventure
May 22, 2015 at 10:47
We all know it ain’t this guy:
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
May 22, 2015 at 10:49
Beast Beard, not best pubes.
Kromas,powered by windows 10.
May 22, 2015 at 10:51
Could have meant beard as in fake husband.
Blood Emperor Trevor
May 22, 2015 at 10:55
How do you know it’s not a beast?
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
May 22, 2015 at 11:00
LOL
HairyEwok
May 22, 2015 at 10:53
huehuehue (refresh)
HairyEwok
May 22, 2015 at 10:51
Lets not forget the Wolvarine
Trevor Matrix
May 22, 2015 at 11:16
Fixed it for ya! (refresh)
HairyEwok
May 22, 2015 at 11:19
http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/bleachfanfiction/images/e/e7/Goddammit_Sakura.gif/revision/latest?cb=20140424013005
Captain JJ Hack&Slash&Dodge
May 22, 2015 at 10:51
Me, when I can create my own character 😀
Loftus
May 22, 2015 at 10:51
I’ll settle this debate quickly the best beard in gaming goes to : Alessandro Barbosa. 🙂
Captain JJ Hack&Slash&Dodge
May 22, 2015 at 10:52
Where does his beard grow if not on his face?
Captain JJ Hack&Slash&Dodge
May 22, 2015 at 10:55
Gilius Thunderhead – Golden Axe
http://cdn.akamai.steamstatic.com/steamcommunity/public/images/avatars/23/2383d8361780406821d7228997eaf88ea04346b0_full.jpg
Trevor Matrix
May 22, 2015 at 11:07
I am depressed. My fiance is having a braai with this other dude today…
Admiral Chief's Adventure
May 22, 2015 at 11:15
Firstly, why are you upset?
Secondly, why is she doing this?
Thirdly, you have a fiance?
Trevor Matrix
May 22, 2015 at 11:18
Because I hate eating alone
It’s her boss and her dept is having a braai.
Yes. As hard as it is to believe, I found a girl WILLING to be with me…
Admiral Chief's Adventure
May 22, 2015 at 11:19
WHAT YEAR IS IT?
Trevor Matrix
May 22, 2015 at 11:20
It is a Good Year…
HairyEwok
May 22, 2015 at 11:21
Hes telling the truth
http://25.media.tumblr.com/a77091dde1a1ae19858a6d6e96d50c6d/tumblr_mvec4idMuI1syjaqyo3_250.gif
Brady miaau
May 22, 2015 at 13:53
Well, good on you. Important to not be alone.
HairyEwok
May 22, 2015 at 11:16
Time to make a stand
http://i39.tinypic.com/59skqx.gif
Marius Nell
May 22, 2015 at 11:14
Best beards to date must have been in The Order 1886
Trevor Matrix
May 22, 2015 at 11:21
You date beards???? I don’t judge. We all have our fetishes….
Ranting Raptor
May 22, 2015 at 11:17
Good conscience from Black and White
Deceased
May 22, 2015 at 11:32
Scrolled all the way down and didn’t see mention of Willson from Don’t Starve 😐
Johann
May 22, 2015 at 11:36
How can anyone forget Lechuck from Monkey Island
Jaco van der Walt
May 22, 2015 at 12:12
Cranky Kong needs an honourable mention too…
Matthew Holliday
May 22, 2015 at 12:33
Muradin Bronzebeard from warcraft 3 etc.
FOR KAZMODAAAAAAAAAAAAN
http://i1.2pcdn.com/node14/image/article/201402/14/20140214013819a0dpjtbvlbmmws0v.jpg
Brady miaau
May 22, 2015 at 13:54
Easy. My on / off beard, I grow when I feel lazy. Easy. I am, after all, an integral part to all the games I play, else I would not be playing them.
So. Whatever length my beard is at the time of playing (currently very short) is the perfect length for the perfect beard.
Avi
May 22, 2015 at 14:33
Not by the hair of chininy chin chin