Hitman Absolution Review Round-Up 
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Darryn Bonthuys
November 19, 2012 at 7:45 am

I really want to become a hitman. They must make a killing.

Hitman Absolution rolls out to dispense some bar-coded bald justice on scantily clad nuns in latex tomorrow, as it the cult classic franchise returns after a lengthy absence. But can a game with an emphasis on creative solutions and single-player content really succeed in this turbulent landscape of contemporary online warzone shooters and islands infected with madness an exploding everythings? According to these scores, yes it can.

It looks like a return to form so far for the venerable franchise, with the majority of scores hitting high marks and bodycounts, while decrying several bugs and story pacing:

Eurogamer praised the intuitive control scheme ,while finding fault with the annoying hide and seek moments of Absolution, saying that “Hitman: Absolution doesn’t make you feel that way often enough for my liking, but amidst the inevitable and deserved grumbling about its awkward checkpoint system, small levels and weird obsession with its daft story, hopefully those who persevere with it will be rewarded by enough of those moments to make the whole thing feel worthwhile.”

Joystiq felt differently though, as it said that Absolution “has its flaws, but its healthy dose of stealth and creative assassinations reminded me once again why it can be so good to be a bad guy.”

Although stealth games aren’t exactly my cup of manly chai tea, the sadistic coffee drinker in me likes the idea of finding the time to dole out creative executions with the choice to go in guns a blazin’ as well. The game is out on PC, PS3 and Xbox 360 tomorrow? Will you be shaving your head and drawing squiggly lines on the back of your neck to take part in it?

Because he's the writer that Lazygamer deserves, but not the one it actually needs right now.So we'll hunt him. Because he can't take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a loud-mouthed journalist, a watchful procrastinator. A dork knight.