Imagine if video games were like, drugs…man

Jay and Silent Bob

Video games are totally addictive you know. More addictive than alcohol, more addictive than Oreo biscuits and far more habit-forming than collecting kittens. In fact, they’re kinda like drugs. So which drugs fit which games then? And why won’t anyone think of the children?

Blame Dorkly for this one. They sifted through a stack of games and mind-bending tablets and herbs, and came up with the following comparisons:

drug1

drug2

drug3

drug4

drug5

drug6

After a hard day of Geoff and Gavin calling me lame, nothing calms me down more than a puff on some Pokémon Crystal…

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Author:Darryn Bonthuys

Because he's the writer that Lazygamer deserves, but not the one it actually needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can't take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a loud-mouthed journalist, a watchful procrastinator. A dork knight.

  • Trevor Davies

    Games don’t make you take drugs, they make you go on murderous rampages & rape sprees. Everyone knows that.

  • http://twitter.com/deanorhan Dean

    Watching half the Minecraft ‘Let’s Play’ series out there, I would think the guys be doing more than just weed.

  • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

    Hehehehehe

  • AndriyP

    Epic lulz

    According to that i might have a bit of a drug problem….

  • http://twitter.com/Technikyle TechniKyle

    Hey, Pokemon Crystal was a first Pokemon game! No wonder I’m hooked! :D

  • Admiral Chief Achievement

    Awww come on, you are not lame, you just have not hit puberty yet. That’s all. Once you hit that, they will accept you.

    :P

    • Trevor Davies

      They’ll accept him once he’s grown some body hair? That’s… strangely creepy :/

    • Trevor Davies

      They’ll accept him once he’s grown some body hair? That’s… strangely creepy :/

    • Trevor Davies

      They’ll accept him once he’s grown some body hair? That’s… strangely creepy :/

  • Admiral Chief Achievement

    High Gordon = XDXDXDXD

    • Brady miaau

      those of us that know him just call him Gordon.

      :)

  • Deon Steyn

    Cocaine abuse = Anxiety,Difficulty sleeping,Rapid heart rate (pulse),Trembling,Muscle cramps or spasms (painful),Nosebleed,Shaking hands or tremor,Increased talkativeness,Irregular heartbeat,
    Restless or irritability any guesses to which game this applies

    • Rince da Ref Lvl2

      So, what drug for.. CoD?! TELL ME!

      • Deon Steyn

      • Deon Steyn

      • Deon Steyn

        • Rince da Ref Lvl2

          Oi, you, GET BACK HERE!

        • Rince da Ref Lvl2

          Oi, you, GET BACK HERE!

        • Trevor Davies

          and so, sensing a predator lurking in the surrounds waiting to strike, the COD troll jetpacks off to safety…he lives, to fight another day.

      • Deon Steyn

      • Deon Steyn

      • AndriyP

        Rat Poison

        • Rince da Ref Lvl2

          That’s true, I think I saw in a CSI that rat poison gives you lockjaw… And @google-78ff87ad4b67ab07d579d43163b265c2:disqus seems to be suffering from it. “You know, he ran out of here just like the vermin he is…” YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

          • Deon Steyn

            Hehe, three more days.

      • AndriyP

        Rat Poison

      • OVG OfflineVideoGamer

        Mountain Dew

      • CODDAMIT

        Implied but never stated as COD, maybe it’s all online games where you get your ass beat simply because the Americans had MVC3 first, got good at it and as soon as we get better they move on to Injustice

        Online makes me depressed mostly. There is no fun to be had. You play against strangers who bad mouth and belittle you most of the times. It’s like playing single player only the AI gives you lip. Also if it’s one of those little shits that does it, it burns even more. Plus when they Rage Quit it’s even more infuriating.

        Fuck Online.

        • Rince da Ref Lvl2

          Son, the RAGE is strong with you today.

      • Trevor Davies

        Are stupid pills a drug? trollolol.

        Look Deon, you could be doing this too, stop being so stubborn. Give in to the EA side of the force :D

        • Rince da Ref Lvl2

          Yes, come over to the fun side, @google-78ff87ad4b67ab07d579d43163b265c2:disqus ! You know you want to!

          • Deon Steyn

            :)

          • Rince da Ref Lvl2

            damn you Deon! *Up turns table with @google-b3ba07f0835438e0c954c94031814a2f:disqus nervously edging towards the door…

    • Rince da Ref Lvl2

      So, what drug for.. CoD?! TELL ME!

  • ElNicko

    Snooochies Boooochies !! !!

  • Rince da Ref Lvl2

    I’m curious Darryn, what Pokémon do you need to drind up, dissolve, bake, crush into a poweder and then boil into a vapour and inhale? PikaCHEW?

    • OVG OfflineVideoGamer

      You chew that.

    • Major Commodore 64 Darryn B

      I regularly snort pure Vileplume. Yo.

      • AndriyP

        Darryn high as fuck sniffing flowers and shit

  • Rince da Ref Lvl2

    I’m curious Darryn, what Pokémon do you need to drind up, dissolve, bake, crush into a poweder and then boil into a vapour and inhale? PikaCHEW?

  • Rince da Ref Lvl2

    I suppose some sort of Tourettes inducing drug for CoD?

    • OVG OfflineVideoGamer

      Dried shit from your muma ;)

      • Deon Steyn

        • OVG OfflineVideoGamer

          COD talk

          • Deon Steyn

            I know but at this time I can neither LOL/condemn your statement. @rincethis:disqus can fortunately not judge me om my reaction or the amount of coffee I may or may not have spat at my screen from laughter/horror at your comment.

          • OVG OfflineVideoGamer

            lol long day I will tone it down for the family friendly website ;)

          • Deon Steyn

            No it’s not that it’s about my probation towards COD trolling. Ask @rincethis:disqus he will tell you all about it. I must remain either positive or neutral to anything COD

          • OVG OfflineVideoGamer

            COD is very good for children, it has omega-3.

          • Deon Steyn

            It sure does :)

          • OVG OfflineVideoGamer

            and Bravo Six ;) It teaches the COD player to use SOAP

          • OVG OfflineVideoGamer

            COD is very good for children, it has omega-3.

  • Mikhil

    Anything PopCap = Crack.

    • OVG OfflineVideoGamer

      Your Avatar is on tik ;)

      • Mikhil

        Wrong, LSD. It makes me happy :p

        • Deon Steyn

          You would probably know :P

  • http://www.facebook.com/lebogang.molefo Lebogang Molefo

    No, do you mean to tell me there’s something more addictive than Oreos? lol looking at all of that I’m convinced I’m addicted to every drug man ever made

Must Read

Don Bradman Cricket 14 Review

Looking for a digital cricket experience? Don Bradman Cricket could be the ...

Review: FTL: Advanced Edition

It's more FTL! That means more good!

Diablo 3: Reaper of Souls Review – Don’t fear the reaper

Reaper of Souls takes what you hated about Diablo III, fixes them, ...

Goat Simulator Review

Is Goat Simulator a must-buy? Or a simple joke gone too far?

Towerfall: Ascension review – Archery Rivals

Towerfall: Ascension is some of the bst multiplayer fun to be had ...

Luftrausers Review – Luftwaffles

Take to the skies and shoot anything that moves in the deceptively ...