The Onion spoof of TESO a better game 
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Zoe Hawkins
July 5, 2014 at 10:00 am

Orc of liberty

I’m a huge fan of The Onion – their satire is genius and they hit the nail on the head with their social commentary. This latest spoof of The Elder Scrolls Online is hilarious, and strangely looks like more fun than the actual game.

The spoof shows players able to customize every facet of the character – they rave about spending hours on an orc’s liver or issues with a digestive system that causes continuous ulcers. Of course, the reference to crazy mutants is hilarious, with some characters just begging to be killed and put out of their misery. If you aren’t interesting in such detailed design, you are always welcome to play with a character who looks like Viggo Mortensen. Well played, The Onion, well played.

Remember when people thought TESO might actually be a fun game. Shame, that didn’t last long. Anyone still taking bets about when it will go free to play? I haven’t heard anything about people still playing that game – are any of you in game and enjoying yourselves. Or, well, in game and not enjoying yourselves?

I go in waves with character creation. I don’t think all games need such detailed character creation – do I really need to adjust the size of my nose to feel immersed in a game? Then again, it can be really cool to make the characters exactly to my specification. I’d love to customize my muscular-skeletal system, or perhaps my DNA – that sounds like a hilarious game in itself. Protein folding here I come!

Wielding my lasso of truth, I am the combination of nerd passion and grammar nazi. I delve into all things awesome and geek-tastic. I believe people should stop defining themselves and just enjoy playing games, so let's get on with it!

  • https://twitter.com/SaveTheQueenIX Liquid Kaz (Umar)

    Did she just say viggo mortenson?lulz!!
    But I agree. I’m not a huge fan of detailed character creation. I finally started FF XIV and it was pretty quick and the character looked cool. I dont like customizing jaw line and eye width…end of the day they gonna wear armor. You wont see any of that

  • Kensei Seraph

    I have always wanted to try my hand at genetic manipulation.
    Imagine the kind of abominations I could unleash upon the world. :D

  • Hellbound

    Not sure if you guys had a look at this…?

    http://www.pcgamer.com/2014/07/03/the-state-of-elder-scrolls-online-3-months-after-launch/

    “I needed that; it gave me hope that the roughly 400 hours I’ve spent with the game to date weren’t for naught, and that other players shared the same begrudging affection for it as I do.”

    I was personally really looking forward to this game, being a big Elder Scrolls fan, but the game model, clunky looking gameplay, mindless questing and dated looking graphics just spoiled it for me!

    At the moment I am adding to my 3,000+ hours on Guild Wars 2 and have to mention that the new content is quite entertaining.

    Funny though that you guys had no news on that. I guess ArenaNet is not currently pushing the PR agenda to gain more players like Bethesda clearly is….

  • Lothy

    Still playing. VR12 now and kitted out in some nice gear. Yes it has its faults and its that love to hate game. But man I still love playing it…

  • Harbinger78

    The self proclaimed grammar Nazi used the word interesting wrong. Aside from that, yes there are still people playing, quite a few, in fact. There are still people that think it is fun, myself included for now (every MMO bores me after a 6 month period, tops). I don’t believe people that say they “wanted to” like a game. Especially if you call ESO mindless questing. That just tells me you never played it, which means you never wanted anything.

  • Martin Krischik

    Well, I play it. And enjoy it. And if i have a look around the bank, or the anvil I would say; a damn lot of others do as well. Certainly enough player for my taste.

    So the very last thing I want is that The Elder Scrolls Online goes free to play. The very thought appals me. Call me a snob but I prefer to player you can pay for it and dedicate to a game for at least 30 days.

  • Jaceley Frezin

    I haven’t played the game yet because I don’t see myself paying monthly. There are months where I only get a handful of days to play; that would be like throwing money away. I had hoped for the next installment to fallout or skyrim instead. I’m disappointed but I’m glad that they tried something different. Here’s hoping that the next game will have as detailed a character creation as TESO. I enjoy nitpicking on minute character details. It’s part of the fun :)

    • Martin Krischik

      I wonder if something like a prepaid hourly rate would good alternative for not so regular players.