Hey! It’s payday! That means you have money! I have no idea what that is these days, as I happen to have a magical card which I charge purchases to. I’ve had it for the last five months and 30 days, and it has made my life so much easier. And ostentatious. Boy, I can’t wait to charge some new games to it, because what could possibly go wrong?
Sometimes, you need some real power to get a job done. Pachyderm power! You need the kind of muscle that doesn’t forget or forgive, a metric seven tons of kickass in a four-legged herbivore package that show no mercy. You need…Tembo the Badass Elephant!
Attila: Total War is available for PC right now, bringing barbarians to the series large-scale, multi-faceted take on war. It’s a great big beautiful game, but on its maximum settings, it’ll bring your PC to its knees – no matter what video card you happen to be sporting. That’s because the cards that could run it at full tilt aren’t available yet; it’s built with the future in mind.
SEGA was once one the biggest console hardware purveyors on the planet. In the 16-bit era, it very nearly dethroned Nintendo and its Super NES to claim the console crown. Since then though the company’s abandoned its console hardware – and it’s starting to look like the once prolific company may abandon consoles entirely.
Out of all the consoles I ever owned, I’m kind of sad that I never had a Sega Dreamcast. It looked like a machine that was way ahead of its time, but getting such technology in Port Elizabeth in 1999 was most likely a pipe dream. Also, fire bad. Still, the closest that I’ve ever gotten to playing those games, was when I recorded footage of them on Cybernet and pretended to play them while holding a massive plate in my hands. The latest Humble Bundle however, is a step up from my cheap-arse techniques.
“RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE!” the little digitised voice from the arcade machine said, as I stood outside a schwarma take-away place with my dad in old Hillbrow. I watched the thing in pure wonder as a man changed from an undead soldier into a werewolf who threw fireballs at a lumpy rock boss throwing copies of his own face. The arcade machine spoke to me, and I had to play it. Begging my dad for 20c worked, and I got to play a game that would be one of my favourites for years. Here’s the thing though though. It’s a bloody awful game. Rose-tinted nostalgia glasses had me thinking it was great for years, but it’s never really been any good at all, has it?
Going to kak themselves soon. I rather enjoyed Alien: Isolation, and I think any fan of Ridley Scott’s original film will appreciate it just as much. It’s tense, it’s gruelling and it has a lady hero tough enough to rival Ellen Ripley. We’re giving away a swanky hamper consisting of the game and its associated merchandise to a lucky winner. Here’ s who that winner is.
Alien: Isolation, the new survival horror game set in Ridley Scott’s frightful future has gone gold, meaning that it’s just about ready to ship. This time, instead of an all out-action game it dispenses with shooting and goes for hiding and survival. And though you’re able to wield and shoot guns…it’s something you may not want to do.
Man, there are a lot (technically one metric alot) of games arriving next month. There are even more games that have been delayed because of…stuff. One game that hasn’t been delayed however? Alien: Isolation, which has just gone gold. Time to celebrate an impending horrible death then, with some new video that is all about survival.
You’re all well aware of Aliens: Colonial Marines and the resulting brouhaha around that troubled game. In essence, A:CM was nothing like the game that was promised, with most gamers feeling like they had just received a massive slap in the face with a very small penis. It was quite honestly, one of the biggest flops in gaming since ET: The Video Game. Except this time, Sega and Gearbox are trying to bury one another in court.
As much as I love the chaps over at Gearbox, it’s safe to say that they dropped the ball on Aliens: Colonial Marines. The game was simply terrible, and left many, many people properly pissed off. And it’s a game which has also made buggerall cash for the developer.
Gaming isn’t exactly the cheapest hobby. Whether you are PC or Console, it still requires an investment of a few thousand Rands just to get started. What about the games? Forget sales and discounts, full priced titles are a rip off, A RIP OFF I TELL YOU! Are they really though? This 90’s Toys ‘R” Us advert certainly puts things into perspective.
Come October, you’re going to feel a strange sensation in your chest, as your wallet decides to burst through and spray everyone around you with money in the build-up to the gaming festive season. An apt metaphor I reckon, because that’s when you’ll see Alien: Isolation released.
If I had to be stuck in a room with a horror movie icon, I’d gladly take Pinhead, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger or Barney the Dinosaur. Those forces of evil can at least be outsmarted. But the good ol’ Xenomorph, more commonly known as the Alien? That’s the kind of situation that’d make me start shouting GAME OVER MAN! And the creature in Alien: Isolation looks terrifying.