I actually can’t believe it’s Friday already. Hell, I can’t believe we’re halfway through April! It feels like just yesterday I was making resolutions, promising myself that this year, no matter how mean Geoff was to me, I’d stand strong and tell him to GTFO.
So how’s that going? Ok I suppose. I mean, I’ve only been fired, what, like 3 times today? That’s an all time low!
Best Stories
Have you checked out local adventure game, Jengo? It’s still in development, but it’s looking rather good thus far! In somewhat related news, the first devblog episode from the developers, Robot Wizard, spawned the best memes EVER (this one, this one, and this one).
Got nothing to play this weekend? That can be fixed – there’s an open beta for both Battleborn and Doom taking place. Heck, maybe you’ll get lucky and score access to the Overwatch closed beta too.
Lastly, I subjected myself to Sophie’s Curse. How did it go? See for yourself…
Worst Stories
Dying to get your paws on an Oculus Rift? You’ll have to wait I’m afraid – the device has been delayed. Oculus swear that they’re putting plans in place to cut down on those delays at least.
Legacy of Kain has, or rather, had a multiplayer spinoff. Nosgoth has been canned sadly, after spending about a year in early access.
Oh dear, it looks like characters are vanishing from The Division on the Xbox One. Thankfully, Ubisoft have pinpointed the issue, and are working on a fix. Some people still threw a bunch of hours into the game for no reason though I’m sure, which is just all around sucky.
Random Stories
Got a soft spot for the Nintendo Zapper? Well then you’re going to love this Glock. It was modded to resemble the old school accessory, and it certainly looks the part.
Australia’s Great Battier Reef has degraded over the years, thanks to natural and man-made disasters. As a result, Riot initiated the Nautilus reef project. They’ve now placed a statue of the champion on the ocean floor. Why? Because REASONS!
Finally, you can tweak your nuts in the latest America and European Truck Simulator patch. Wait, what?
Is Darryn Batman Forever?
I don’t even bother checking anymore. I just know!
Header Image of the Week
No explanation needed (I hope). I saw this on Zoe’s Wednesday ION, and giggled for hours.
Most Comments
Characters are disappearing in The Division? Grab your pitchforks! That article garnered a very respectable 114 comments.
Comment of the Week
If you’ve been paying attention, then you’d know we took a certain somebody and turned them into a rather excellent meme (I take full credit for that, thank you very much). Some people however, went over and above, and put together these gems…
When they tell you the office is haunted…. pic.twitter.com/YSpcdgF6GZ
— Hammersteyn (@Deon_Steyn_) April 13, 2016
When you think your mate is surprise visiting you at work, but it’s actually just some lost stranger. @GreyHamz pic.twitter.com/bQeKUg5Ecp
— Michael Mullany (@eXpZA) April 13, 2016
Omglol… best!!! I know these aren’t from the site, but I could not ignore them!
Bonus Premium Content
Oh baby baby…
Here’s the plot of Metal Gear Solid (kinda) explained in like 4 minutes…
(Header)
Last Updated: April 15, 2016
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 12:44
What? No comment of the week? RIOT! #MattyMustFall
Ottokie
April 15, 2016 at 12:47
Also no comment last week…
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z198/jimmyeightysix/Simpsons/Simpsons-ThatsaPaddlin_zps0ffeb18d.jpg
hairyknees
April 15, 2016 at 13:12
Ssshhh… people might start noticing!
Ottokie
April 15, 2016 at 13:15
We work our butts off to bring you the best PG13 jokes, wise cracks and low blows this side of Benoni
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 13:15
PG13? O_O
Shit, I’ve been doing it wrong.
Ottokie
April 15, 2016 at 13:16
Ok…
Most of us xD
Raptor Rants
April 15, 2016 at 13:51
Just wait. anew game will be thought out for you
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 12:47
He spends all his time on Twitter instead of reading the comments to pick a winner. So I cheated. Hey if the president can do it so can I. Right?
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 12:48
#MatZuptaMustFall
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 12:48
LOL!
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 12:48
Also I broke 40 000 comments and I completely missed it 🙁
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 12:50
Awwww. Well, happy belated 40k comments.
http://i.imgur.com/mFUvW6b.jpg
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 12:51
Heh, will save the big celebration for 50K
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 12:52
Didn’t get the 40k reference?
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 12:54
I did thanks!
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:01
I didn’t celebrate, however, I did dedicate
Ottokie
April 15, 2016 at 12:52
Awww yuss
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:01
Go back and track which one it was!!!
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 13:02
I think it was this one
https://disqus.com/home/discussion/lazygamer/ffd_what_gaming_mascots_need_a_ratchet_and_clank_styled_makeover/#comment-2624841284
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:04
Nope, this one:
“You’re not nearly as old as me then :P”
hairyknees
April 15, 2016 at 13:12
You already won comment of the week with your tweet 😛 I’ll have to give you a commentor award next week!
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:14
Hammersteyn tweets?????
HvR
April 15, 2016 at 14:04
If you can like or up vote on it Hammersteyn will use it.
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 13:48
hahaha poor Trevor
Alien Emperor Trevor
April 15, 2016 at 14:31
…
Sageville
April 15, 2016 at 15:13
Is there some sort of secret society of “Many Comments” people that I know not of?
Are there cookies?
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 15:36
It’s more like an odometer tipping over after a certain amount of Km’s
Alien Emperor Trevor
April 15, 2016 at 12:57
I need my weekly win! Was I mean to Matty this week? I can’t remember saying anything mean.
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 12:58
Maybe that’s the problem – Matty likes people being mean to him.
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 12:59
Seems legit
Alien Emperor Trevor
April 15, 2016 at 13:01
I don’t know if I can bring myself to do that. :/
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 13:05
Seems legit.
Ottokie
April 15, 2016 at 13:01
https://i.imgflip.com/12jm1h.jpg
Alien Emperor Trevor
April 15, 2016 at 13:01
lol!
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 13:03
XD
hairyknees
April 15, 2016 at 13:11
Tweets of the week! 😛
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 13:12
Please have a look at the URL on top of this page, in your browser. If the URL does not include “Twitter” in it, then “Tweets of the week” can GITS. <3
HvR
April 15, 2016 at 14:10
First you take away nekkid left to right then ION girls all together and NOW THIS
http://a.abcnews.com/images/Politics/abc_george_bush_shoe_wy_140411.gif
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 12:46
The D wins again!
http://cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/legacy.images/smosh-pit/122010/dark-knight-beats.gif
Ottokie
April 15, 2016 at 13:04
It’s starting to sound like a broken record…
badumm-tiss
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 13:05
Hahaha
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:00
That header! So DAWWWWWW
Mossel
April 15, 2016 at 13:02
Braai with dark coals? You are gonna stand around that braai for a while…
Alien Emperor Trevor
April 15, 2016 at 13:02
If they used light coals their meat might accidentally cook.
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 13:05
https://thesumidaway.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/screen-shot-2014-10-22-at-9-31-50-am.png
Ottokie
April 15, 2016 at 13:19
Every time I scroll past this image it freaks me the hell out xD
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 13:06
http://wanna-joke.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/funny-gollum-steak-well-done.jpg
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:07
^This
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:08
You know what pisses me off more than people doing this?
TAKING THIS MEAT HOME IN A DOGGY BAG!
1. You have FAILED at finishing your cow
2. You want to re-heat something that has already lost all sense of being meat
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 13:09
I’d rather just finish it for them
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 13:10
Really? I’d rather feed it to my dog.
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:11
My dogs will sniff and sniff it, and then eat it. As if saying “Fine hoooman, I will eat this shoe-sole”
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 13:11
My dog will eat anything you put in his bowl. This does include salad.
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:12
Yeah? Mine refuses anything of the sort Only bones and fat (since that is all that is left over lol)
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 13:13
My cats are that full of shit. They even turn their noses up at biltong. No jokes. In fact, they’ll only eat 1 brand of dry cat food, and only certain wet cat foods. Human food is a no go. So odd.
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:14
You have failed at raising your cats
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 13:15
They were both rescues – I didn’t raise them.
Ottokie
April 15, 2016 at 13:17
Were they rescued from a 5 star hotel O.o
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:17
BWHAHAHA
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 13:17
LOL
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:17
Oh well, then you need to teach them!
Also, good on ya for the rescue
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 13:19
Good luck teaching those 2. Seriously. They’re cats. They’re not as smart as dogs.
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:20
Use the carrot/stick approach
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 13:21
Spot the difference:
http://i.imgur.com/Hs9qf.jpg
Also, my one cat looks EXACTLY like that. O_O
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:26
What an ass!
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 13:30
I know right! Treating the innocent donkey like a slave… Seriously…
HvR
April 15, 2016 at 14:03
You first beat it with a carrot as warning that you will be using the stick next time?
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 15:34
Yup
Ottokie
April 15, 2016 at 13:21
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/d0/2e/94/d02e94075e1b4c1dac5003e6e3624f4e.jpg
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 13:23
Doesn’t make them smart. Just look at our “leader”.
Alien Emperor Trevor
April 15, 2016 at 13:11
But she couldn’t finish it so how will feeding it to her help? Oh, wait… um… this is awkward.
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 13:13
LOL!!!!!
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 13:50
I like food, I really really like food though
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 13:54
Yeah but a well done steak can’t be classified as food.
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 14:34
Oh that. Shoot it into the sun, it can’t be burned any more than it is anyway
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:10
I know, I’ll do it too.
“You gonna finish that {bacon; steak; onion rings; chips; beer} ?”
Alien Emperor Trevor
April 15, 2016 at 13:11
I can’t remember a single occasion where I’ve gone to dinner with my family & we’ve left without a doggy bag from at least one of the female sides’ meals.
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:11
Lies, you going to dinner with a female….oh wait, family, never mind…
Sageville
April 15, 2016 at 15:16
*Sigh
My father, EVERY time we go out to eat:
“Just wipe it’s arse, chop it’s horns off and slap it on a plate” *looks around grinning at everyone like it’s the first time he’s said it….
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 15:36
XD
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 13:08
okay I’m done
http://www.kappit.com/img/pics/201509_1149_edbdb_sm.jpg
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:13
[salivates uncontrollably]
DragonSpirit009
April 15, 2016 at 13:26
Why… Hello there you glorious piece of steak!!
*stomach sings*
Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0
April 15, 2016 at 13:47
XD
Ottokie
April 15, 2016 at 13:03
Was thinking the same xD
Pariah
April 15, 2016 at 13:03
hairyknees
April 15, 2016 at 13:10
ROOKIE MISTAKE!
DragonSpirit009
April 15, 2016 at 13:08
Had a bad week but that vid of Matty playing Shopie’s Curse kinda put a smile on my face… especially after I squeaked like a squeaky toy at the end. Then I mostly laughed at myself… so now I’m good again!
hairyknees
April 15, 2016 at 13:10
Hahaha good! Have a good weekend 🙂
Admiral Chief in New York
April 15, 2016 at 13:13
You should have made a ‘lets watch’ the ‘lets play’ video
DragonSpirit009
April 15, 2016 at 13:25
Next time XD
But next time I won’t watch it work either. Had to come up with a story for cover my ass when I was suppose to work.