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Games That Should Never Have Been Made

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Remember back when you were a young lad, you could play just about any videogame and be entertained? Now that we’re older and more astute, those very games that would once keep us occupied would now make you vomit a little on the inside of your mouth.

Every system is home to a few less-than-stellar titles, but after the jump you’ll find a list of games so mind-numbingly bad that you’ll wonder why they were even made in the first place.

Superman (Nintendo 64)

Superman64

Until the recent Batman : Arkham Asylum, superhero games were known for being mediocre at best, but generally downright awful. Quite possibly the worst of them is Superman 64, from Titus software. It’s generally regarded as one of the worst games of all time, and even holds the dubious record of being the lowest rated superhero game according to Guinness.

Known for its ridiculous plot, shoddy graphics and laughable gameplay, Superman 64 had the most boring missions imaginable, largely consisting of flying through hoops. Still, playing a Superman, must be fun, right? Well, No. As Gamespot so eloquently put it : “It serves no purpose other than to firmly establish the bottom of the barrel”

Custer’s Revenge (Atari 2600)

CustersRevenge

Forgoing any historical accuracy, Custer’s Revenge on the Atari 2600 had the ill-fated general – wearing nothing but boots and a cowboy hat – traverse a field of flying arrows so he and his…little blocky general could have their way with an also naked native American Indian woman who happened to be tied to a cactus. It’s noted for the controversy it caused, essentially being the first – and unfortunately not the last – videogame depiction of rape.

Why was this even made? If you’re capable of getting turned on by blocks engaging in coitus, I’d imagine you’re able to be turned on just by having a cup of tea. It’s not let down just by its questionable subject matter – but also the boring repetitive gameplay, bland blocky graphics and abysmal sound.

Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) (PS3, Xbox 360)

sonic2006

This would be Sonic’s Next-Gen debut – and a hopeful return to form. Instead it was a rushed, broken glitchy mess, that had you switching between the accumulated peripheral character’s that’ve been woefully incorporated in to the Sonic universe. It’s characterised by awful voice acting, a ridiculously contrived plot and some of the most cringe-worthy cut scenes in videogame history – including a kiss between the game’s blazing blue protagonist and a human heroine, that’ll likely set off your gag reflex.

It’s quite obvious that Sonic Team just didn’t care about this game at all – and I’m glad that DIMPS have been given the opportunity to revive the franchise.

Charlie’s Angels (PS2, GameCube)

charliesangels

Licenced film-Videogame adaptations are known for generally being bad games, but none is nearly as bad as this mess. A 3D, 3rd person action brawler intended to be a modern Double Dragon, with 3 hot chicks in bikinis. What could go wrong? Just about everything – Awful graphics; outdated, broken gameplay; a shoddy camera system and a complete lack of fun.

Let’s no mention that they managed to make 3 hot chicks look like bulldogs with down’s syndrome.

Daikatana (PC)

Daikatana

A lesson in development Hell, John Romero’s Daikatana ended up being a four year, $40m mistake. As a result of an engine switch, a complete rewrite and just plain poor design, Daikatana devolved into an a ugly mess of dated graphics, awkward gameplay and frankly boring enemies. Laughably, the game’s biggest “innovation” – a pair of sidekicks whom you needed to protect – ended up being the game’s biggest liability. Thanks to crummy AI, they would frequently do whatever it took to get themselves killed. And escort missions are ALWAYS fun.

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Last Updated: February 22, 2010

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16 Comments

  1. Fred

    February 22, 2010 at 13:50

    Which game on Atari 2600 did NOT have bland blocky graphics and abysmal sound?

    Reply

    • Geoff

      February 22, 2010 at 13:56

      Yar’s Revenge, Asteroids, Combat, Pitfall and Centipede rocked. Blocky, sure – but miles ahead of the two included in this list.

      Reply

  2. Kale

    February 22, 2010 at 14:06

    I think Superman Returns could be on that list. That game sucked. Worst of all I can’t even delete the achievement, my profile shall be forever scarred.

    Reply

    • Geoff

      February 22, 2010 at 14:15

      Collecting lost cats not your thing? 😀

      Seriously though, Superman 64 is several shades of awful worse than Superman Returns. It’s likely to remain the worst superhero game ever made.

      Even the Atari 2600 superman game is better.

      Reply

  3. Reaver

    February 22, 2010 at 14:42

    As a joke, friends of mine bought me Daikatana as a gift for my birthday 5 yrs ago. It’s currently lying in a box under my stairs, still completely sealed. I refused to expose my retinas to John Romero’s digital cumstains.

    Reply

    • Geoff

      February 22, 2010 at 15:04

      I just checked eBay to see if you were sitting on a goldmine.

      You could make a whole 3 dollars with that!

      Reply

  4. Tose

    February 22, 2010 at 15:18

    I got a copy of ET a while back, and although it earns its spot on this list, it’s definitely not the worst game I’ve played. The Universal Studios game for the Game Cube is far worse.

    Reply

    • Geoff

      February 22, 2010 at 15:23

      Crikey, that looks awful.

      Reply

  5. koldFU5iON

    February 22, 2010 at 15:34

    I’ve only ever Played ET on that list of yours … all I remember from that is ET’s head bopping up and down

    Reply

    • Bacon

      February 23, 2010 at 14:58

      Also only played ET on this list (lucky me obviously). I don’t remember ET being that bad, but then again that was 25 years ago and I’ve since drank away all the braincells containing any vivid memories of my formidable years.

      Reply

  6. will_c_75

    February 22, 2010 at 15:59

    don’t forget about turning point fall of liberty that what so horribly glitchy and bad. i rented it and returned it in the same hour. nazis would be stuck hanging out the wall i could walk up almost and head shot someone and they wouldn’t even move

    Reply

    • Nick de Bruyne

      February 22, 2010 at 16:27

      There was also that other gem, Hour of Victory! Boy oh boy what a fantastic piece of work.

      Reply

  7. WitWolfyZA

    February 23, 2010 at 08:05

    IT reminds me of that abortion Leisure Suit Larry Box Office Smash. And The Jumper game… The worst games ive EVER played!

    Reply

  8. mitas

    February 23, 2010 at 11:26

    no body mentioned sonic ? i know he has made a good game in 10 yrs i think ? oh wait you did … my bad . you guys play kill switch on ps2 ? it tryed gears of war thing , not that bad but almost like a wet s!*&*#$t

    Reply

  9. spl0it

    February 23, 2010 at 17:20

    Maybe do a fall from Grace article

    Reply

  10. Brandon Roberts

    May 26, 2014 at 08:09

    seriously no rapelay or ethnic cleansing yes they’re both as bad as they sound.

    Reply

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