Mortal Kombat X is now a mere two months away from being released. And we have yet to see the full roster revealed. The people want answers. The people demand more news. And at Lazygamer, we aim to deliver that news, no matter how catastrophically incorrect we may be in our pursuit of a half-baked almost-truth. And by the mighty skeletal summon fist of Shinnok, we think we may have cracked open another exclusive reveal for the game.
If you’re unfamiliar with Mortal Kombat, here’s what you need to know. Back in the 1990s, Ed Boon directed a cracking film which starred the Highlander leading not Bruce Lee and his pals as they tried to prevent Heihachi Mishima from a hostile takeover of the world. Along the way, they battled a pair of ninjas who had the power of terrible CGI and a four-armed Steven Seagal who had been left outside for too long. It was a great movie, and it eventually led to some great video game spin-offs.
It’s been a couple of years since then, and we’re now on our Xrd Mortal Kombat game, with Boon guiding the franchise. He’s been teasing characters for a while now, and he recently tweeted the following image:
These are really satisfying my SWEET TOOTH. #TooVague? pic.twitter.com/aQGWj2zWvB
— Ed Boon (@noobde) February 11, 2015
Which clearly marks the first ever debut of an Oreo biscuit in Mortal Kombat X. Obviously. Using the dodgiest of 4Chan resources, we think that we may have discovered everything there is to know about Khookie Khan. According to our source, who is not some random hobo that is hopped up on drugs behind our office, Khookie Khan hails from Outworld as yet another failed experiment from the labs of Shang Tsung. Designed to be the ultimate biscuit, Khookie Khan was enfused with the flavours and ingredients of a thousand Edenian cookies, but the end result was a midday treat that was too sweet to beat.
KONFIRMED.
Seeking vengeance against Tsung after being banished for being simply too delicious, Kotal Khookie enters the next Mortal Kombat tournament in order to prove his worth. Much like all the other kharacters in the game, Khookie will have three variations from which to deal damage with. We’ve kompiled a list of what will probably make the cut, regarding these skills.
KONFIRMED.
Kookie Krumble
Using this variation, Khookie can stun opponents, as each attack that is landed on him will result in a crumbs being stuck to their hands and really there’s nothing grosser than that and they need to wipe it off and crumbs ewww ewwww eeewwww. Gross, nobody likes crumbs on their hands. What a horrible variation, honestly.
KONFIRMED.
Biscuit Barrage
With Biscuit Barrage, Khookie can deal extra damage and Type-2 Diabetes with more precise creamy filling attacks that can hit either low or high for maximum damage and juggle attacks.
KONFIRMED.
Kookie Monster
With Kookie Monster active, Khookie can resurrect your internet browsing history. You filthy pervert.
KONFIRMED.
Khookie will also have an X-Ray attack called “Oh Krumbs” as well as his own fatality, “Kookies and Skream”. We’ve got some images showing them off, which aren’t photoshopped in any way whatsoever. Nope.
KONFIRMED.
Our sources indicate that Khookie Khan will be part of the season pass, although playing as him constantly may be hazardous to your blood-sugar levels. Mortal Kombat X is out in April.
KONFIRMED.
Last Updated: February 17, 2015
Tosh "Did he just say that?"
February 17, 2015 at 12:35
You bastard. Now I want biscuits.
Please let Tuesday’s ION not be biscuits, otherwise I’ll just rage buy a whole box of the shit…
Exalted Overlord Geoffrey Tim
February 17, 2015 at 12:54
Because the Tasty Tuesday gets people to eat things, Darryn’s asked very nicely if today, it could be his dick.
RinceThis
February 17, 2015 at 12:56
HAHAHAHAHAH! That actually, literally broke a lol from me 0_O
Admiral Chief
February 17, 2015 at 13:02
Hahaha, I can only imagine
Hammersteyn
February 17, 2015 at 13:03
Seker maar ‘n sout happie. 😛
Admiral Chief
February 17, 2015 at 13:03
Sien my cocktail wiener grappie hier bo
Spaffy
February 17, 2015 at 15:40
Of n kaas happie?
Hammersteyn
February 17, 2015 at 15:46
rofl
Admiral Chief
February 17, 2015 at 13:02
Cocktail wiener?
Tosh "Did he just say that?"
February 17, 2015 at 13:10
LMAO. Wtf man! hahaha!
Blood Emperor Trevor
February 17, 2015 at 13:14
So everyone goes home disappointed?
RustedFaith
February 17, 2015 at 14:27
rofl my condolences
hubble19
February 17, 2015 at 14:39
For once I’m very happy to be on a diet.
RinceThis
February 17, 2015 at 12:35
BWAHAHAHAH!
Hammersteyn
February 17, 2015 at 12:35
Him obviously. But here’s the thing. Twisted Metal is an exclusive Sony franchise and a damn fine one. Like God of War. So will the PS again have an exclusive kharacter?
http://static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/0/1054/545090-sweettoothface.jpg
Tosh "Did he just say that?"
February 17, 2015 at 12:40
Didn’t we ban selfies on Lagz?
Hammersteyn
February 17, 2015 at 12:41
I make Sweet Tooth look good by comparison.
Tosh "Did he just say that?"
February 17, 2015 at 12:42
I always imagine you look like your avatar.
Hammersteyn
February 17, 2015 at 12:44
Edward Norton. Yeah I’m more like Bob minus the tits and the hair but with a beard.
Kensei Seraph
February 17, 2015 at 12:42
Sounds epic.
I’ll laugh if they actually include a cookie character.
Tosh "Did he just say that?"
February 17, 2015 at 12:42
CoD’s been doing it for years.
Oh wait, different kind of cookie.
Bilal Mvw
February 17, 2015 at 17:40
Don’t be ridiculous there not going to include a cookie character. Are you high?
Their going to include a Kookie Kharakter- Like DUH!
FreddyBear
February 17, 2015 at 12:43
Mmm, either Skarlet (red) or Mileena (sweet tooth), or maybe even Ermac.
Hammersteyn
February 17, 2015 at 12:45
Or maybe Sweet Tooth? (See below XD)
Blood Emperor Trevor
February 17, 2015 at 13:13
Ermac is an anagram for Cream!
Hammersteyn
February 17, 2015 at 13:13
Mind Blown
Kensei Seraph
February 17, 2015 at 12:45
“… from the lbs of Shang Tsung.”
Is that “ibs” with the first character upper-case, pounds or “labs” without the “a”?
The D
February 17, 2015 at 12:49
TYPOTALITY!
Admiral Chief
February 17, 2015 at 12:53
Red Velvet Oreo?
Bilal Mvw
February 17, 2015 at 17:41
Is that like American exclusive?…I’ve never seen it here……
Exalted Overlord Geoffrey Tim
February 17, 2015 at 12:53
SLOW NEWS DAY?
Admiral Chief
February 17, 2015 at 12:54
JY VERTEL MY!
RinceThis
February 17, 2015 at 13:02
Journalismz!
Admiral Chief
February 17, 2015 at 13:04
*jernalizms
Blood Emperor Trevor
February 17, 2015 at 13:12
This is what’s persuaded me to finally preorder the game. I love Oreos. I hope it’s not a let-down.
Ch33seWh33L
February 17, 2015 at 13:04
Seems Legit. Next char to be revealed is Rain’s alter ego Milk … With Variations, Skimmed, Froth or Chocolate… #Konfirmed
Admiral Chief
February 17, 2015 at 13:04
Hahaha, have an upvote!
Sageville
February 17, 2015 at 13:07
Cookie Decoration DLC
Hammersteyn
February 17, 2015 at 13:10
Here’s moar upvotes
http://i.imgur.com/Ii3DZK3.jpg
Tosh "Did he just say that?"
February 17, 2015 at 13:12
That’s just your computer when you’re on Lagz. Every day.
Hammersteyn
February 17, 2015 at 13:13
Still working on an auto upvote script.
Admiral Chief
February 17, 2015 at 13:31
Pssschewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewpew
Sageville
February 17, 2015 at 13:07
Checks date is not 1 April….
Avi
February 17, 2015 at 15:42
“If you’re unfamiliar with Mortal Kombat, here’s what you need to know. Back in the 1990s, Ed Boon directed a cracking film which starred the Highlander leading not Bruce Lee and his pals as they tried to prevent Heihachi Mishima from a hostile takeover of the world. Along the way, they battled a pair of ninjas who had the power of terrible CGI and a four-armed Steven Seagal who had been left outside for too long. It was a great movie, and it eventually led to some great video game spin-offs.”
Always thought the game where released 1st and then the movies followed….
Learning everyday
Gareth L (That eXCheez Guy)
February 18, 2015 at 08:57
I hope that was sarcasm. 😛
Avi
February 18, 2015 at 09:32
Yep 🙂
LoboTheMainMan
February 18, 2015 at 05:15
No not sweet tooth! That’s the stupidest character ever. He doesn’t belong in the mortal combat roster he’s not a martial artist.
Gareth L (That eXCheez Guy)
February 18, 2015 at 09:02
As for Ed Boon’s clue, I’m going with Baraka*.
*Darryn feel free to do a Berocca piece. 😉