Once upon a time, a vegetable started interning at Lazygamer. “Let the cabbage do the round up,” they said. “He’ll hate it,” they said. “HA!” said the brave cabbage, as he rounded up the news and accompanied it with the cutest kitty pictures the Internet has to offer. THE END! Man I’m great at story telling, I bet none of you have any idea who the murderer is! Is it Geoff, the sneaky Asian who gives out graphics cards without the necessary adaptors? Darryn, the caped crusader whose weakness is large mobs demanding selfies? Zoe, the innocent lass who secretly starves her kittens? Or is it Sandy, that spy who has not updated his Steam profile? LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS BELOW!
Best Stories
I have many fond memories (and even emptier pockets) thanks to the awesome arcade game, Time Crisis. The series ain’t dead, it’s coming back for some pew pew action! Now if only I could find a nearby arcade like the good ol’ days.
Energy are on their way to Paris for the ESWC. ASUS came on board to help them on their journey. Remember, the Porra team will pose no threat whatsoever!
Are you excited for Sunset Overdrive? Our very own Darryn and Sandy had an intellectual discussion about it for your viewing pleasure. I could almost hear the monocle wearing and tea drinking in their voices.
Worst Stories
There was a lot of Valve news this week. Nothing was worse than this one though, where a developer threatened the big man himself, resulting in his game being pulled from Steam. Silly, silly guy. LEAVE GABEN ALONE!
What’s worse than a cancelled Star Wars game? One that was supposedly 99% finished and only then cancelled. At least we can still see some footage, imagining what could have been.
Random Stories
Games are so unimaginative these days. Know what the industry needs? A tale of a slice of bread and its journey to get toasted!
Know what will get Valve to make Half-Life 3 faster? Borderline harassment, duh! Round up all them Gabe lookalikes, they have work to do at Valve HQ!
Best ION Header
Like there was even any contest this week. Portuguese chicken? That gets my vote over 9000 times. Maria! Hand me that peri-peri sauce!
Most Comments
Why do so many people want new IP’s to fail? I don’t know, but apparently there were 195 things to say on the matter.
Least Comments
Poor Darryn. He wrote up a neat piece on the concept art of Bayonetta 2, only to have one comment slapped onto it. There there, it happens to the best of us!
Batman Of The Week
It was close again this week, but there can only be one real Batman, one true dark knight who brings you even darker news. That cape goes to Zoe this week!
Cabbage Of The Week
I had to wait till the last second for this one, because both myself and the other porra were neck and neck! The results are in aaaaand… I am still cabbage this week. DAMMIT SANDY! Note: that is not me in the picture, it is a cleverly shopped cabbage.
Header Image Of The Week
Darth Vader, the early days. He rested his lightsaber to join the army and… wait, when the heck did that happen?
Comment Of The Week
I’ll just leave this here, compliments of Umar…
“LazyGamer has just disgusted me in a way I never thought possible”
Clearly you’ve never seen 2 girls 1 cup.
Bonus Premium Content
It must be tough being a dad. Not only do you need a shotgun, you also need to be incredibly brave. Can you feel the pain in this video?
Last Updated: October 24, 2014
OVG
October 24, 2014 at 12:39
“Once upon a time, a vegetable started interning at Lazygamer. “Let the cabbage do the round up,” they said. “He’ll hate it,” they said. “HA!” said the brave cabbage, as he rounded up the news and accompanied it with the cutest kitty pictures the Internet has to offer. THE END! Man I’m great at story telling”
BUNGIE!!!!!!!!! HIRE NOW 😛
Guild
October 24, 2014 at 12:52
lol that made me laugh. Nice one budd well played *slow clap*
OVG
October 24, 2014 at 14:10
hairyknees
October 24, 2014 at 12:59
Hahahahaha xD
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
October 24, 2014 at 13:01
well played
Spaffy
October 24, 2014 at 12:42
Nice one Umar, disgusting little Lazygamer
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 24, 2014 at 12:44
The murderer is Gavin, in the court room, with a soccer ball.
Kensei Seraph - Visiting Alpha
October 24, 2014 at 14:14
Victim: Darryn.
Motive: unknown.
ReaperOfSquirrels
October 24, 2014 at 15:33
Edit: *Motive:Not Needed.
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 24, 2014 at 12:44
I’ve never seen 2 girls 1 cup. Because I’ve been on the internet a while and I KNOW BETTER.
Hammersteyn
October 24, 2014 at 12:52
I started with one girl and one cup (she drank coffee), still working up courage to move a number up. Kinda like Valve
Matthew Holliday
October 24, 2014 at 13:16
atleast we can confirm the jokes.
HvR
October 24, 2014 at 14:07
You should really try and watch The 2 girls with the one cup who had some meatspin on their blue waffles.
Hammersteyn
October 24, 2014 at 14:23
O_o
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
October 24, 2014 at 12:53
lol funny
Captain JJ fancy eyes
October 24, 2014 at 13:45
Same here. Hehe
OVG
October 24, 2014 at 14:12
Is it some cost efficient strategy from TED talks?
Hammersteyn
October 24, 2014 at 12:51
Nice one Zoe and Umar!
RinceThis
October 24, 2014 at 12:51
Why does Sandy look like something from a white trash neighbourhood? Oh, sorry! BWAHAHA
Alessandro Barbosa
October 24, 2014 at 13:07
It’s called Benoni. GET IT RIGHT MAN 😛
Admiral Chief 0
October 24, 2014 at 13:12
Are you from Benoni?
Captain JJ fancy eyes
October 24, 2014 at 13:47
I thought he was grown.
RinceThis
October 24, 2014 at 13:47
Lol 🙂
Admiral Chief 0
October 24, 2014 at 12:53
If not for my comment, BRENDA WOULD HAVE HAD NONE!
Hammersteyn
October 24, 2014 at 12:54
[comment]
Admiral Chief 0
October 24, 2014 at 12:59
YAY!
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
October 24, 2014 at 12:57
[another comment]
Admiral Chief 0
October 24, 2014 at 12:59
WHEEEEEEEEEEE
Hammersteyn
October 24, 2014 at 12:54
Shame all those dads taking their kids to One Direction. I bet most of them doesn’t even get so much as a thanks.
Guild
October 24, 2014 at 13:00
I dread the day but I would do it if my daughter wanted to. And if I raise her right the thanks would be given
Captain JJ fancy eyes
October 24, 2014 at 13:27
One Direction puts me more off my Burger King right now than Umar’s comment.
Hammersteyn
October 24, 2014 at 13:02
Too soon?
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lhbh2w5K-w0/UR6ZagI_J5I/AAAAAAABH3g/CdxfggPGT30/s1600/Oscar-Pistorius-in-jail.gif
Mongoose
October 24, 2014 at 13:08
Never too soon for Oscar jokes!
Dutch Matrix
October 24, 2014 at 14:39
That’s not Oscar! He’s not crying!
Hammersteyn
October 24, 2014 at 14:46
hahaha
Captain JJ fancy eyes
October 24, 2014 at 14:47
*gives standing ovation*
Captain JJ fancy eyes
October 24, 2014 at 13:05
Oh man, that ION.
I am SOOO lus for Nandos today. (I know it’s not Nandos)
Cadis Etrama Di Umar
October 24, 2014 at 14:16
Sorry
ReaperOfSquirrels
October 24, 2014 at 15:15
LMAO! Since when is Zoe innocent?
Congrats to BatZoe, Cabbagepatch Sandy and Commentator Umar!