Friday, Friday, got to get down on Friday! The weekend is here, I’m back home with the people that I’m 42% certain want to steal my organs, and I’ve got a cup of tea by my side. Life is grand. It’s been another crazy week, full of Playstation announcements and piracy. So here’s a look at the headlines of the week. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go make some bacon pancakes.
I’m giving this one to myself, due to the fact that pressurised air cabins actually me bleed for realsies from my orifices. I got a chance to go to Seattle to go and see what all the hubbub was about with Bungie and their Destiny game, and it was a duty-free trip to remember. And it also resulted in this rather kickass (if I do say so myself) feature being born.
Video game pirates. They’re the reason why we can’t have nice things. Or the fact that when we do get them, we’re usually subjected to a full body cavity search before being allowed to enjoy our game (snaps rubber glove). Blink 182 album art aside, it’s clear that pirates aren’t going to disappear anytime soon. And with a new Gears of War game on the horizon, they’re chomping at the bit to get their greasy paws on that game.
And despite some intentional misspelling by Microsoft to throw them off the trail, the buccaneers have struck again, stealing away with Gears of War Judgement. It sucks, regular gamers have been forced to download an “update”, and i swear that thanks to said update, my Xbox is running pretty damn slow.
Thanks a lot you bastards.
Best ION header
Oh Sammy Braddy you so fine, you so fine you blow my mind hey Sammy! Hey Sammy! Hah, you’ve totally got that song stuck in your head now, right? HAPPY FRIDAY!
I hate you Geoff, I hate you more than Jar Jar Binks when I come so close to reaching the top, only for you to derail me with a 121 comment kick to the nads. I hate you
But at least I’m not Gavin right now, who only managed to scrape in a paltry four comments for his random Thursday musings. And seeing how much he hates getting this award, I feel like dancin’. Going to dance the night away! I feel like dancin’!
Batman of the week
Due to the fact that Geoff snatched up writing duties on ALL the Playstation 4 articles this week, he clearly had the most impact on the site overall. So well done Geoff. Enjoy your victory, at least until a certain writer in a gas mask adopts your trolling techniques to sneak out of the shadows and break your back. After all, this week has been extremely painful…for me.
Best header image
Yolanda can have this award this week, thanks to the fact that she tapped into the one thing that makes life worth living: Making fun of Mike Tyson’s lisp when he isn’t anywhere near us.
This one was easy. Time-zoner Mornelithe gets the nod this week, for his brilliant running commentary on the Playstation event that the majority of us slept through. Not only did Morne keep everything brisk and on point, but he kept on well after the event was done, writing a small novella of a summary.
Thanks for doing our job for us buddy. You’re not getting paid, but we’ll gladly share the death threats we get on a weekly basis from the various nationalities/creeds/religions/politicians/loonies that we get when we habitually piss them off.
In this article
Because he's the writer that Lazygamer deserves, but not the one it actually needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can't take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a loud-mouthed journalist, a watchful procrastinator. A dork knight.