If political parties were video games 
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Zoe Hawkins
May 6, 2014 at 3:00 pm

Wednesday is Election Day in South Africa. I expect all of you to go and vote – I’d do it if I were allowed to. Damn disenfranchised foreigner! Who will you vote for? Well, we’ll help you decide with this handy comparison – find your favourite game and vote for that party. No, wait, don’t!

Realistically, we know all political parties are actually Fable – tons of big promises made, but delivery falls below expectations. Of course it’s still important to make your voice heard. So, show your support.

ANC = Final Fantasy

ANC

Much like Final Fantasy, the ANC has a long legacy. However, while its size and history ensure that it still gets tons of support, most people have no idea what’s going on anymore. For those who were a part of the party from the start, they struggle to see the flaws and how the party has changed. Unlikely to attract any new voters, but who needs to when they have such loyal fans who keep coming back for more.

DA = Dark Souls

DA

Sound and well designed, everyone around you is playing it. Of course, it has a really high learning curve and is completely unforgiving if you don’t do what you’re supposed to. You know you should enjoy it, but you’re not quite sure if you do. That said, if you push through your initial reluctance, you might great triumph – or so you’ve been told.

IFP = Sonic

sahnik

Huge back in the day, they have fizzled into relative obscurity. When they do get attention, it’s not the way they used to. Sonic seems to have lost any Goodwill people had towards the franchise.

COPE = Duke Nukem Forever

COPE

Announced with great expectations, we all waited to see what they could do. Years later, all we’re left with is disappointment. Seems we’re all out of bubblegum.

Agang SA = Indie Hipster Twaddle

FEZ Agang

Occasionally making news for being "different" or "unique" or showing great potential, their expectations are low for this election. Perhaps they need to get picked up by a larger platform to show off their true potential. PS, expect some new VITAlity coming soon.

EFF = Kingdom Hearts

Kingdom EFF

Has everything required to be a great party, if only it wasn’t filled with cartoon characters. People may say you’re Goofy to like them, but perhaps you’re focusing on their core offering.

ACDP = Devil May Cry

ACDP

Plenty of great ideas and solid policies. Unfortunately, it’s completely overshadowed by being way too religious.

FF = Dota 2

Dota VF

Those in it think it’s the best, while everyone from the outside just stares with disbelief. Filled with farmers looking to get ahead as they strive for the Ultimate BKB.

UDM = Words with Friends

Words with friends

Having lost half their IPO value, at least they’re really big and social, right? Maybe you want to like them on Facebook? Oh please, that’s so 2009.

The National Party = Star Wars 1313

NP

Cancelled.

Wielding my lasso of truth, I am the combination of nerd passion and grammar nazi. I delve into all things awesome and geek-tastic. I believe people should stop defining themselves and just enjoy playing games, so let's get on with it!

  • hairyknees

    Hahahaha cool article xD looks like I’m voting for Dota 2! I mean FF!

  • Bob the Zealot

    JZ is Cloud?! That explains why his memories of Nkandla are so messed up. Who knew?

    • https://twitter.com/SaveTheQueenIX Umar Returns

      OOOOOOOOH LOVE THIS!!

    • Sir Rants A Lot Llew. Jelly!!!

      BOOM

  • Hammersteyn

    HAHAHAHA the National Party!!!

  • Alien Emperor Trevor

    If they’re all like Fable then thank god OVG hasn’t formed his own political party, or else we’d all be married to him.

    • VampyreSquirrel

      Lol… nah we wouldn’t… we’d be following whoever makes the “Skyrim” of political parties.

      • Jedi JJ

        I definitely would be.

    • Wincethis

      HAHAHAH!

  • VampyreSquirrel

    I’m gonna have an issue tomorrow… won’t be able to look at the ballot in the same way.

    • Jedi JJ

      Haha. Same here.

    • Hammersteyn

      I might even vote for them all.

  • Jedi JJ

    Shouldn’t the VF be like the pc release of Diablo III?

  • Alien Emperor Trevor

    This has made me lol so much.

  • NiteFenix

    Your UDM picture is not done being edited. Those O’s and D’s and R’s. *twitches uncontrollably*

    • Anon A Mouse

      You’ve missed the A.

      • NiteFenix

        I twitched so much I missed the A. OMG!

  • Alien Emperor Trevor

    I just spotted the Goodwill pun. EXCELLENT!

    • Her Highness the Hipster

      you have no idea how proud i am of that one :)

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        I won’t make fun of anything Apple related for the rest of the week.

  • Acornbread

    XD

  • Kervyn Cloete

    Brilliant article!

    • Wincethis

      I am still giggling like a beiber fan,…

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        but you’re always giggling… WAIT A MINUTE!

        • Wincethis

          0-o

      • Jedi JJ

        So like your usual self then?

        • Wincethis

          Oi!

        • Admiral Chief in Space

          HAHAHAHA

      • Lardus-Resident Perve

        LoL, you totally opened the door with this one! Now, get out of the closet :P

        • Wincethis

          Pah, I am totally comfortable with my manliness :P

          • Jedi JJ

            There’s a “man” in every relationship.

          • VampyreSquirrel

            Or lack there of

          • Wincethis

            Wow, that was sharp :P

          • VampyreSquirrel

            Yeah… totally

            Sorry my brain has shut down after all that rhyming O.o

          • Wincethis

            Lol! Oh, was Andre’s bday yesterday.

      • Unavengedavo

        Luckily for you, beiber is a little girl

  • Wincethis

    This is one of the best articles ever!

  • Admiral Chief in Space

    Ouchie dat 1313

  • Jedi JJ

    FF and ANC.
    So much win.
    And I’m a Final Fantasy fan.

    • Her Highness the Hipster

      me too – been playing since FF1. i should be president by now

      • Jedi JJ

        Now there’s an idea.
        Just don’t offer Darryn the position of Minister of Health. Remember the chilli video.

  • FoxOneZA

    Zoe is on a roll with this one.

  • Ryanza

    The DA is more like Call of Duty – Progressive Party, Progressive Reform Party, Progressive Federal Party, Democratic Party, Democratic Alliance

    • Brady miaau

      very clever

  • Unavengedavo

    I thought the ANC would’ve been CoD, same shit every year. Keeps taking your money and doesn’t deliver, but people still go for it regardless

  • HvR – THE Average GAmer

    If VF+ change there slogan to “Vote for VF+ is a vote for Dota” they might win more than 1 seat.

  • Brady miaau

    Below the belt. Unfair he cried!

    Why did you have to mention Star Wars 1313?

    Sobbing gently into my tea now, dammit.

  • Julius Malema

    Dark souls – that’s racist
    Zuma with a blond weave – that’s racist
    EFF represented by a white character – that’s racist
    black devil may cry – that’s racist

  • Ultimo_Cleric N7

    Amazing Zoe

  • CYKABLYAT

    GGFF