Every company out there of a reasonable size has a slogan that they have carefully crafted that gives you an insight into who they are, what they are striving for and which is generally absolute horseshit.
I’ve sat in many meetings where these slogans have been created and it really is just a bunch of people sitting around with maybe one person who cares coming up with something that says everything and means nothing all at the same time. For instance Microsoft has used a few tag lines from “Where do you want to go today?” which means what exactly? To “Be what’s next.”… seriously which moronic group of people thought that Be What’s Next meant anything?
Anyway enough whining about corporate garbage, someone (I can’t find the original source) has decided to give all the gaming companies realistic slogans.
Microsoft – We. Control. Everything
Activision – As much money as possible for as little effort as possible
Apple – It doesn’t matter what we do you’ll buy it anyway
Shut up my iPhone 6 is on it’s way now, I have no buyers remorse… I don’t I tell you.
EA – Because f*&k developers, f*&k customers, and f&*k you.
tsk this is a family site.
Mojang – You like Minecraft a lot more than we do
Quite the accurate slogan seeing as they just sold it and walked away.
Nintendo – Same Games More Money
You can’t spell MILKING IT without Mario
Rockstar – F&*k You
Probably the only one I don’t actually agree with…
Sony – We’re… kinda screwed
Yeah relying on a brand name and jacking up electronic prices didn’t quite work out as planned did it?
Square Enix – You play our games the way we want you to
No you’re playing it wrong you stupid boy.
Ubisoft – One step forward, eight steps back
Looking at the reviews of Unity maybe that should be 16 steps back?
Valve – We used to make games, now we make money
All hail lord Gabe
Last Updated: November 13, 2014
Captain JJ the valiant
November 13, 2014 at 10:37
Haha. That Apple one made me LOL.
Ubisoft one just as good.
And Valve…well…http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Im-not-even-Mad-Ron-Burgandy-Anchorman.gif
hairyknees
November 13, 2014 at 10:59
I ain’t even mad either!
Viking Of Divinity
November 13, 2014 at 11:01
SHUT UP, you’re biased because you love DOTA 2!!
#PorraGate
z1n
November 13, 2014 at 11:16
and Half Life and Portal, and Counter Strike and and and. TAKE MY MONEY GABEN!
Matthew Holliday
November 13, 2014 at 11:24
dont forget Hats Fortress and left4dead.
obviously they dont make games anymore.
z1n
November 13, 2014 at 11:33
haha. left4hats, hats of defeat and most importantly everything runs on the great hat engine! I think Valve’s M.O. is just polishing community mods into hats, then adding more hats. They even have a crazy hats2play system.
hairyknees
November 13, 2014 at 11:46
Who made Dota 2? GABEN INC.
YOUR ARGUMENT IS FLAWED!
Hammersteyn
November 13, 2014 at 10:38
Rockstars slogan is accurate when it comes to the Mustard Race.
http://i.imgur.com/IXjddF5.png
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 13, 2014 at 10:39
lol!
Quo Vadis?
November 13, 2014 at 11:00
shouldn’t the “U” and the “A” swop places in mustard in this instance? 😀
Hammersteyn
November 13, 2014 at 11:08
LOL mass turd
Norm (@e3zype3zy)
November 13, 2014 at 11:54
You win the internet.
Hammersteyn
November 13, 2014 at 11:59
😀
Captain JJ the valiant
November 13, 2014 at 10:46
I think the Rockstar one applies to PC only, as Hammer said.
Hammersteyn
November 13, 2014 at 10:52
Also Ubisoft after shipping Unity
http://media.tumblr.com/4ef0fd77eee47d384e82372e13520ce1/tumblr_inline_mxinaiXXYk1raprkq.gif
Skyblue
November 13, 2014 at 12:39
Rofl
Captain JJ the valiant
November 13, 2014 at 10:52
Wait, what about Blizzard?
James Anderton
November 13, 2014 at 10:55
They fall under Activision. The parent company is Activision-Blizzard after all.
Captain JJ the valiant
November 13, 2014 at 10:56
Oh yes. Of course. I’m sure someone could come up with something clever though. My brain is fried today.
Viking Of Divinity
November 13, 2014 at 10:56
Here you go! (refresh for pic)
Captain JJ the valiant
November 13, 2014 at 10:57
LOL
Admiral Chief Wang
November 13, 2014 at 10:56
At least Valve are still good guys!
Hammersteyn
November 13, 2014 at 10:58
Even if they aren’t making games?
Captain JJ the valiant
November 13, 2014 at 11:02
They’re making smiles. Every day.
z1n
November 13, 2014 at 11:18
They’re making hats. So many hats!
Mark Treloar
November 13, 2014 at 11:14
Are they?
James Anderton
November 13, 2014 at 10:57
It’s GabeN dammit. All hail Lord GabeN!
Captain JJ the valiant
November 13, 2014 at 11:01
GOG…
Viking Of Divinity
November 13, 2014 at 11:04
on a roll (refresh again)
FoxOneZA
November 13, 2014 at 11:02
Tada!
RinceThis
November 13, 2014 at 11:26
urgh, just waiting for the usual PC plod to come up with some ‘maths’ to prove Half Life 3 is about to land. Sorry, people, the only thing landing is a robot on a comet *RUNS.
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 13, 2014 at 11:40
Sure, just like people “landed” on the moon!
Skoobaz
November 13, 2014 at 13:44
Exactly! They didn’t take harpoons to the Moon!
RinceThis
November 13, 2014 at 13:56
Get back to your banjo Bronko Brick Brains!
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 13, 2014 at 14:01
…
Skoobaz
November 13, 2014 at 13:45
Kensei Seraph Never Forget Ouk
November 13, 2014 at 11:32
I don’t think I can disagree with any of these.
MakeItLegal
November 13, 2014 at 11:44
valve…lol so true
Nikola
November 13, 2014 at 11:52
Hahahah these are actually pretty good!
Norm (@e3zype3zy)
November 13, 2014 at 11:53
HAHAHAHA @ EA
Coip's Dead Uncle
November 13, 2014 at 15:00
This was a wonderful read.
The EA one really got me laughing.
Forrest Lucario
February 11, 2015 at 20:08
All hail our Lord and Saviour GabeN!
iMicca
May 1, 2015 at 12:40
you think ROCKSTAR makes us violent?
WELL FUCK YOU THEN
Captain Obvious
April 28, 2016 at 19:55
The worst video game company ever is none other than ljn: