SPERTS! I may not know my offsides rule from a leg before wicket, but what I do know is get rich quick schemes. The FIFA World Cup is almost upon us, and there’s money to be made betting on the outcomes of the matches. Unfortunately, I can’t use a trusty tyre-iron to help even my odds this year now that Brazil is hosting the game. But I can rely on the FIFA tie-in to simulate who will win the cup.
If the FIFA World Cup 2014 game has anything to say, it’ll be ze Chermans who walk away with millions for being able to kick a ball better than the other chaps on the field for 90 minutes. According to Eurogamer, EA Sports fired the game up and ran a simulation of all 32 participating teams, with Germany emerging victorious in the end with a 2-1 victory over Brazil at the Estádio do Maracanã. According to EA:
In the EA SPORTS simulation, the Final itself was an epic battle as Brazil squared off against Germany in a repeat of the 2002 World Cup Finals. The Brazilian ‘samba boys’ got off to an impressive start, overwhelming Germany with their skill, speed and free-flowing football.
Then there’s something about some fellow named Neymar sporting some pressure on the backline of some other guy named Manuel Neuer and sporting more goals, before the Germans took a third reich pass and started dominating. Or something along those lines:
Late in the match, Per Mertesacker would equalize for Germany with a towering header from a well-delivered Mesut Özil corner. Brazilian dreams of a fairytale finish were crushed in extra-time when substitute Miroslav Klose reacted first to a loose ball and scored from close range, writing himself into the history books as the FIFA World Cup’s all-time top scorer (16 goals). With the win, Germany claimed their fourth World Cup.
Huh, so that’s what it’s like to be on the receiving end of me talking about comics. So, accurate predictions then? Possibly. In the last world cup, EA Sports predicted that Spain would win the World Cup. Better start practising my German and go lay down some bets I reckon.
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Because he's the writer that Lazygamer deserves, but not the one it actually needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can't take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a loud-mouthed journalist, a watchful procrastinator. A dork knight.