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Dungeons and Dragons will destroy your life

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DND

Look at those damn Satan-worshippers. Huddled around a desk, having fun and rolling d-20 die that were blessed by Beezlebub himself I reckon. Damn kids! They should be in a church! The kind where Pat Robertson can milk ‘em like a Capcom franchise!

That’s the view of the original crazy evangelist Pat Robertson, according to this CBS clip via Destructoid. According to the diminished faculties of Robertson, Dungeons and Dragons is a game that he has no idea about whatsoever, but he does know that it’s a game that has “literally destroyed peoples lives”.

Well, kinda. I should have known that my level 2 bard was no match for that level Omega World-Smasher from the ninth ring of the Screaming Cascade. Damn, I miss that character of mine. Oh, and don’t worry. I’m not going militaristic atheist over here.

I just have a problem with an evangelist that has defrauded people with everything from faith healing to monthly tithes, while labelling non-Christians and the Scottish as devil-worshippers, having something to say about some desktop role-playing fun.

Last Updated: April 22, 2013

83 Comments

  1. the facepalm is strong here

    Reply

    • HvR

      April 22, 2013 at 09:54

      Facepalm is from the DEVILS!!!!

      Reply

    • Brady miaau

      April 22, 2013 at 10:55

      Yeah, but if D&D is devils work, how much more so Star Trek?

      Gene Roddenbury vision of a united globe, with no racism and so forth. Hah, what a fool!

      (that was Sarcasm in case I get flamed)

      Reply

      • Admiral Chief Erwin

        April 22, 2013 at 10:57

        Plus you get to bed green alien wimmin’

        Reply

        • Brady miaau

          April 22, 2013 at 12:33

          point.

          And yeoman, for some reason. Kirk was such a cad, really.

          Reply

  2. HvR

    April 22, 2013 at 09:54

    D&D is the DEVIL!!
    CoD is the DEVIL!!!

    Reply

    • Marius Nell

      April 22, 2013 at 11:01

      If D&D is the devil then CoD is the one in Hell that’s screwing the devil (ike Saddam from South Park)

      Reply

  3. Rincethis: Spellalicious

    April 22, 2013 at 09:56

    But the Scottish ARE devil worshipers, right?

    Reply

    • Andre116

      April 22, 2013 at 10:09

      Cross dressing devil worshipers my friend…cross dressing devil worshipers.

      Reply

      • Rincethis: Spellalicious

        April 22, 2013 at 10:09

        Ahh! Yes, that’s the one!

        Reply

        • TechniKyle

          April 22, 2013 at 10:10

          I actually own a kilt…

          Reply

          • Rincethis: Spellalicious

            April 22, 2013 at 10:30

            I think I am supposed to too… We have our own tartan, the Mc Hann colours or something…

          • Steve0064

            April 22, 2013 at 11:29

            Kilts are expensive, but they are guaranteed to get the attention of the ladies. Guaranteed. Get used to wearing no undies, learn to mimic a Highland accent, and you’re golden.

        • Andre116

          April 22, 2013 at 10:19

          I actually miss the satan/music scare of the 80’s and the 90’s. These days I don’t know what music to listen to. 🙁

          Reply

          • Rincethis: Spellalicious

            April 22, 2013 at 10:22

            Haha! Yeah, I miss those looks from my parents when I had Pantera on…

    • Trevor Davies

      April 22, 2013 at 10:15

      But we forgive them for that because whiskey

      Reply

      • Rincethis: Spellalicious

        April 22, 2013 at 10:23

        This is true. Some things need to slide.

        Reply

      • Anon A Mouse

        April 22, 2013 at 10:44

        Scottish whisky is without the “e”. All the watered down stuff is with the “e”.

        Reply

        • Brady miaau

          April 22, 2013 at 12:54

          Without the e is not the real deal, in my book. Is bourbon, different beast entirely.

          Reply

      • Brady miaau

        April 22, 2013 at 10:54

        Hell yeah. Scotch is awesome. There the Scots are awesome. QED

        Reply

      • Steve0064

        April 22, 2013 at 11:31

        I’ll drink to that.

        Reply

    • Darryn Bonthuys

      April 22, 2013 at 10:33

      The Scottish and religion are natural enemies! Like the Irish and Scots! Like the Japanese and Scots! Like the French and Scots! Like the Scots and Scots! Damn Scots, they ruined Scotland!

      http://youtu.be/2LnVIo3Bwzs

      Reply

      • Rincethis: Spellalicious

        April 22, 2013 at 10:36

        Hahahha! Nice.

        Reply

    • Unavengedavo

      April 22, 2013 at 11:00

      Only devil worshipers can invent a sport like golf!

      Reply

      • Marius Nell

        April 22, 2013 at 11:03

        and Haggis

        Reply

      • Rincethis: Spellalicious

        April 22, 2013 at 11:03

        You know it!

        Reply

  4. GarethV

    April 22, 2013 at 09:59

    But…but…but I like DND. Make the bad man stop :'(
    Fiction vs reality vs religion – keep them separate and we can all get along fine.

    Reply

  5. TechniKyle

    April 22, 2013 at 10:06

    Roll Roll Roll you dice,
    And you’re prayin to the devil,
    merrily merrily merrily merrily
    Pat likes it in the ass…

    Reply

    • Trevor Davies

      April 22, 2013 at 10:14

      Listen to that backwards & you’ll be shocked by the evil messages!

      Reply

      • Admiral Chief Erwin

        April 22, 2013 at 10:38

        I’m just reading it forward and already my face is all O_O

        Reply

        • TechniKyle

          April 22, 2013 at 13:27

          Sorry I got bored and I had nursery rhymes in my head at the time.

          Reply

          • Admiral Chief Erwin

            April 22, 2013 at 13:31

            Jingle Bells, Darryn smells,
            Geoff is finally asleep.
            Yolanda’s having her baby soon,
            and Gavin acts all deep.

  6. Rincethis: Spellalicious

    April 22, 2013 at 10:09

    Man, I miss AD&D. I remember doing a charity event in England, a 72 hours straight session as Dungeon Master, man, after that I think I was the devil, the players certainly thought so 🙂

    Reply

    • Brady miaau

      April 22, 2013 at 10:53

      Sounds awesome. Ah, for the old days!

      Some of my friends tried this over skype video, but I do not think it worked as well as all that.

      Reply

  7. Trevor Davies

    April 22, 2013 at 10:10

    My sister belonged to some crazy cult & used to bring home their little pamphlets – they were like little comic books about the evils of DnD, games, rock music, etc. They were quite funny & made me laugh, but when I told her that she stopped bring them. Very uncharitable I thought.

    Reply

  8. Yolanda Green

    April 22, 2013 at 10:17

    Dear Old People
    Please stay away from anything video games if you are not a gamer. You clearly have no understanding of it.
    Kind Regards
    The rest of the world.

    Reply

    • Rincethis: Spellalicious

      April 22, 2013 at 10:29

      Hehe. I remember my mother’s friend doing an ‘intervention’ to save my soul. She was hecticly Christian, and said my soul would burn in the eternal fires of hell if I carried on pretending I was an Elven Bladesinger. Man, to have that on video…

      Reply

      • Yolanda Green

        April 22, 2013 at 10:34

        :S I have no words.

        Reply

      • HvR

        April 22, 2013 at 11:41

        My mother also had a over the top “Baptiste Sekte Antie” friend who did the same thing (think I was 14/15 at the time). Luckily my father told me not to take crap from the crazy lady so from the intervention point onwards I always talked in my “Batman voice” when she was around.

        Reply

        • Rincethis: Spellalicious

          April 22, 2013 at 11:42

          Hahaha! I should have tried that too. She literally sat me down and said ‘I am doing this to help you walk the path of light, and not dark’. I really just wanted to roll a D-4 and cast a few magic missiles her way. Alas, when I did, I looked foolish.

          Reply

          • Trevor Davies

            April 22, 2013 at 11:58

            Is that because you rolled a 1?

        • HvR

          April 22, 2013 at 11:43

          My brother dropped the mother of all farts (one of his useful life skills I might add) when she told him that the music he is listening is causing evil spirits to go into his soul.

          Reply

    • Admiral Chief Erwin

      April 22, 2013 at 10:40

      Kind regards?
      KIND REGARDS?
      More like no regards

      Reply

  9. umar bastra

    April 22, 2013 at 10:20

    I think Pat will have an aneurysm If he should ever play a Shin Megami Tensei game. I think Nocturne might make him think we’re all devil worshippers … well I did choose Lucifer’s path in the game lol …. does that mean I like the Devil ? … no, I just want the true ending to the game 😛

    Reply

  10. DarthofZA

    April 22, 2013 at 10:22

    Thats a bit of a generalisation. I mean, 4th Edition might of split gaming groups with some people not liking its new “Board Game” like mechanics, and wanting to keep playing 3rd Edition. But I don’t think its fair to say their lives were ruined or destroyed. I still talk to gamers who didn’t want to make the switch with me to 4th Edition. Besides, it looks like D&D will rebuild their lives when they attempt to unite 3rd Edition and 4th Edition players with 5th Edition.

    Reply

    • Brady miaau

      April 22, 2013 at 10:52

      Yeah, but the board game market is quite big, it seems.

      But I agree with dilution of rules seems a bit of a cop out.

      Reply

  11. Ultimo_Cleric_N7

    April 22, 2013 at 10:37

    This guy……..He gives Christians a bad rep. REALLY. I wish him and the Roman Catholic Priests who enjoy kiddy fiddling could all be placed in a rocket and launched into space, never to be seen again.
    IT REALLY ANNOYS ME to think so many good people on this site think that this is what Christian people are like. Seriously guys, please ignore this clown and look at the sincere, good people who give their lives for others. THOSE are Christians. Yes, they want to tell you about Christ and may annoy you, but they do it because they care. And when you say ‘no thanks’, they should leave it then and there.
    Thats how I feel about this….

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief Erwin

      April 22, 2013 at 10:39

      Amen
      (no pun or joke intended)

      Reply

      • Ultimo_Cleric_N7

        April 22, 2013 at 10:55

        🙂 Amen Indeed Chief.

        Reply

        • Admiral Chief Erwin

          April 22, 2013 at 11:00

          I also believe to judge people on how they act, not how they say they are. You get many people saying they are, but are in fact the same or worse of than the “sinners”

          Reply

          • Ultimo_Cleric_N7

            April 22, 2013 at 11:28

            Ya dude, some ‘Christians’ need a roundhouse kick to the face.

          • Twakkie

            April 22, 2013 at 11:31

            Precisely my point of view as well and is it not Willem Wikkelspies that said: “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet;”. If you walk is not the same as your talk, rather then be quite.

          • Admiral Chief Erwin

            April 22, 2013 at 11:32

            quite what?

            Or doth thee meaneth QUIET?

            😛

          • Twakkie

            April 22, 2013 at 11:33

            You spell Nazi! 🙂

          • Admiral Chief Erwin

            April 22, 2013 at 11:34

            *spelling
            😛

          • Twakkie

            April 22, 2013 at 11:42

            Nooooooo! Go away Erwin! 🙂
            Thou has no longer any quarrel with me, for thee as shown my English to be….. failing in phrase structure and meaning!

          • Admiral Chief Erwin

            April 22, 2013 at 11:45

            *hath
            *hath

            😛

          • Twakkie

            April 22, 2013 at 11:47

            RAWR!!!! *Rage Quite* 🙂

          • Admiral Chief Erwin

            April 22, 2013 at 11:49

            *RAWWWR
            *QUIT

          • Twakkie

            April 22, 2013 at 11:59

            Sigh… I give up. You Er-win.

          • Admiral Chief Erwin

            April 22, 2013 at 11:34

            I spell Nazi.
            N
            A
            Z
            I

            I spell for thee

    • Twakkie

      April 22, 2013 at 11:35

      Agree completely, people like this really drives people more away from Christianity than anything else.

      Reply

    • CaptainNemo42

      April 22, 2013 at 12:03

      Well said. But it is like that with everything. I am a boertjie, but that doesn’t mean I agree at all with what the Boermag does, or did. They give me a bad name.

      Reply

    • RobC

      April 22, 2013 at 12:57

      They do it because they care?? Because they are delusional more like

      Reply

  12. Brady miaau

    April 22, 2013 at 10:50

    I am a community leader in my church. I was a youth leader.

    I played AD&D until I was 20 with my friends. I still play games like Baldurs Gate, Neverwinter nights and so forth (just bought Neverwinter nights 2 and all expansions, never played them)

    I am sick of this crap, I was called a satanist by a visiting preacher when I was a teenager: because I played role playing games. Bastard. That pissed me off. And that was twenty years ago. Still a bit angry.

    Reply

  13. Rudi van der Walt

    April 22, 2013 at 10:51

    That guy deserves a Melf’s Acid Arrow up the arse……….

    Reply

    • Brady miaau

      April 22, 2013 at 11:01

      Awesome.

      But rather Magic Missile (I think), Melf’s arrow must be aimed by Wizard, using wizard Thaco score (in some editions at least!

      Reply

      • Wtf101

        April 22, 2013 at 11:35

        Hey! I just remembered reading a D&D comic years ago (as in 1980-something) , and this old wizard yelling “Magic Missile!” Thanks for the flashback!

        Reply

  14. Marius Nell

    April 22, 2013 at 10:59

    Dear Idiot is it wrong to be baptized in Bioshock Infinite? if not F@*# you the game is amazing. AND ITS CALLED A GAME!

    Reply

  15. Matthew Figueira

    April 22, 2013 at 11:02

    LOL. That is all.

    Reply

  16. Wtf101

    April 22, 2013 at 11:20

    I think we need to introduce this preacher to Doom.

    Let Sir Terry Pratchett explain: “Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil… prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon…

    Reply

  17. Daryl Eksteen

    April 22, 2013 at 11:31

    Happy clappers at it again.

    Reply

  18. Daryl Eksteen

    April 22, 2013 at 11:36

    Destroying people’s lives like Priests molesting children or how religion devalues women and equality?

    Reply

  19. Alwyn Venter

    April 22, 2013 at 12:55

    Another topic that can be discussed for hours! I am glad this was posted. It just shows us how disillusioned some people are. I think there are some really good comments in the thread below which I agree with.

    I have said this many times… The problem does not lie with the video game but the upbringing and discipline applied while raising the child. If you don’t give them love and attention, they are going to look for it elsewhere. If you give them what they need (not always want), I think it opens a whole new avenue to teach your child the rights and wrongs and then let them decide which avenue to take. If the foundation is laid strongly, you don’t need to worry. If you see them deviate, well, punish them.

    Yes, there might be wrong elements depicted in some video games but in how many video games do we see the bad guys win? Basic principles in most video games are still fine and by the way… we do this for fun! Why does the world not see this? Goodness I am tired of people blaming gaming for problems that are created by parents and poor discipline / parenting.

    Long live gaming, gamers, D&D, COD, Starcraft, Mario & Luigi, Lazygamer…etc. etc….

    Reply

  20. TriangularRoom

    April 22, 2013 at 14:22

    I guess it’s a good thing I play Pathfinder instead of D&D then?

    Reply

  21. Paul Fouche

    April 22, 2013 at 15:15

    i just burst out laughing whahahah!! “its almost demonic” clearly he has never seen a movie about exorcism its not like we spaz out and run on all fours ( most of us , some of us have temper problems) when we lose a character or whatever , does the dice control your mind? WHAHa whats next. eating popcorn is forbidden fruit ?

    Reply

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