Destiny in a TLDR nutshell 
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Darryn Bonthuys
February 17, 2013 at 9:00 pm

Destiny background

I just wrote close to three thousand words on my visit to Bungie to go see Destiny. And hell, I still have a lot more to say. Still, not everyone has the time to read my super-duper awesome fantabulous feature. So here are the crib notes version, you ADD afflicted LOOK A SQUIRREL!


WHAT YEAR IS IT?

The future. Pretty far off into it.  Also, most of humanity is six feet under, and only one city remains safe, thanks to a massive orb space-ship that is hovering mere inches from the ground, like an Invader Zim plot.

WHAT HAPPENED TO EVERYBODY?

In short: If the fate of mankind was a WWE match, we would have been the masked midget up against a cosmic version of The Rock. Thanks to some ringside interference from the god-like Traveller though, Humanity escaped the lumberjack match from hell, but not before losing most of the planet and the surrounding solar system in the process.

CAN I KICK SOME SORT OF ASS ACROSS SEVERAL PLANETS?

Oh my, yes you can. You’re a Guardian in the game, a descendant of the legendary Traveller who supposedly sacrificed himself to save the planet from the rest of the universal nightmares that assaulted us. You’ve got the power to grow and harness abilities that are akin to “punching someone with a piece of the sun” according to Bungie, while also outfitting your character with unique arms and armour.

Also, you’re going to have your very own space-ship to go put your boot to some asses.

WHAT KIND OF GAME IS IT?

Bungie and Activision are hesitant to throw a label on it, but right now, they’re calling it a Mythic Science Fiction shooter. In reality, it’s a FPS game with MMO leanings, and a massive bend towards online interactivity in a world that is constantly updating. A world that won’t cost you a single cent in subscription fees after you buy the game, according to Activision.

WHEN CAN I PLAY THIS GAME?

Not this year. Activision says that there is “no benefit” to releasing the game in 2013, so expect it sometime in 2014. Guesstimations would point towards an American Summer release. Which means somewhere around June to July.

WHY AM I SHOUTING?

Because mommy and daddy did something bad, and then nine months later…

Because he's the writer that Lazygamer deserves, but not the one it actually needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can't take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a loud-mouthed journalist, a watchful procrastinator. A dork knight.

  • Valshen

    This version made me chuckle.

  • Admiral Chief Erwin

    TL;DR
    still
    :(

    • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

      Lol. You troll :P

    • FoxOneZA

      I’m sure I saw PC in there… Nananananahhhh :P

      • Admiral Chief Erwin

        XD

  • Admiral Chief Erwin

    Wait, you were born? I thought Gavin found you in the mountains, cut off your tail, didn’t need to shave you down and put you in front of a computer?

    Heh, also, “no subscription fees” is kinda interesting

  • Uberutang

    You missed the one aspect loads of readers will be wanting to know:
    Always online.

    For most people they see mmo and they know ok I need internet, but some need to be told.

  • OVG

    ROFL

  • Sir Captain Rincethis

    Looking forward to this. Sounds like Eve with a FPS system.

    • Andre116

      Guess I need to spoil my wife this year since next year I might very well be locked in my man cave, every…damn….weekend. (if the game is as good as it sounds and I hope it is)

      • Sir Captain Rincethis

        What about all the kiddies birthday parties you’ll miss? trololol!

        • Andre116

          You just had to go there, didn’t you? Just as I was starting to recover.

          • Sir Captain Rincethis

            You need to get Halo boet, OVG and I had an epic time! :)

          • Sir Captain Rincethis

            You need to get Halo boet, OVG and I had an epic time! :)

  • Trevor Davies

    Where is the squirrel Darryn? I just wasted 0.37 seconds looking for it in the picture & it’s NOT there. And what’s with all the words under that, are they clues on how to find the squirrel?

    • Major Commodore 64 Darryn B

      You’re still looking for the squirrel? Scoff. Scoff to the max. I’m already focused on something shiny that I spotted in the corner.

      • Trevor Davies

        Don’t change the subject. I need to know more about the squirrel, what are its hopes & dreams, how many acorns has it collected, exactly how shiny is it & which corner are we talking about?

  • Trevor Davies

    Where is the squirrel Darryn? I just wasted 0.37 seconds looking for it in the picture & it’s NOT there. And what’s with all the words under that, are they clues on how to find the squirrel?

  • Andre116

    so….is it going to be current gen?