I just wrote close to three thousand words on my visit to Bungie to go see Destiny. And hell, I still have a lot more to say. Still, not everyone has the time to read my super-duper awesome fantabulous feature. So here are the crib notes version, you ADD afflicted LOOK A SQUIRREL!
WHAT YEAR IS IT?
The future. Pretty far off into it. Also, most of humanity is six feet under, and only one city remains safe, thanks to a massive orb space-ship that is hovering mere inches from the ground, like an Invader Zim plot.
WHAT HAPPENED TO EVERYBODY?
In short: If the fate of mankind was a WWE match, we would have been the masked midget up against a cosmic version of The Rock. Thanks to some ringside interference from the god-like Traveller though, Humanity escaped the lumberjack match from hell, but not before losing most of the planet and the surrounding solar system in the process.
CAN I KICK SOME SORT OF ASS ACROSS SEVERAL PLANETS?
Oh my, yes you can. You’re a Guardian in the game, a descendant of the legendary Traveller who supposedly sacrificed himself to save the planet from the rest of the universal nightmares that assaulted us. You’ve got the power to grow and harness abilities that are akin to “punching someone with a piece of the sun” according to Bungie, while also outfitting your character with unique arms and armour.
Also, you’re going to have your very own space-ship to go put your boot to some asses.
WHAT KIND OF GAME IS IT?
Bungie and Activision are hesitant to throw a label on it, but right now, they’re calling it a Mythic Science Fiction shooter. In reality, it’s a FPS game with MMO leanings, and a massive bend towards online interactivity in a world that is constantly updating. A world that won’t cost you a single cent in subscription fees after you buy the game, according to Activision.
WHEN CAN I PLAY THIS GAME?
Not this year. Activision says that there is “no benefit” to releasing the game in 2013, so expect it sometime in 2014. Guesstimations would point towards an American Summer release. Which means somewhere around June to July.
WHY AM I SHOUTING?
Because mommy and daddy did something bad, and then nine months later…
Because he's the writer that Lazygamer deserves, but not the one it actually needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can't take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a loud-mouthed journalist, a watchful procrastinator. A dork knight.