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In Other News – 14 August 2014

The Evolution Of – Hitman

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Dad of the year hires assassins to kill son’s gaming character

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Ever been on the receiving end of a tongue-lashing for playing way too many vidjeo gamez? At some point, we’ve all been told to get off the PC/console and to go outside and breath in some noxious fresh air, or even worse, get a J-O-B. And then you get this dad, who took things one step further.

One Chinese father had had enough of only seeing the back of his son, and decided to step things up a notch by hiring overpowered in-game assassins to constantly stalk and murder the digital counterpart of his 23 year old offspring.

Unhappy with his son not finding a job, Feng decided to hire players in his son’s favorite online games to hunt down Xiao Feng.

It is unknown where or how Feng found the in-game assassins–every one of the players he hired were stronger and higher leveled than Xiao Feng.

Feng’s idea was that his son would get bored of playing games if he was killed every time he logged on, and that he would start putting more effort into getting a job.

Despite being sick of getting killed every time, Xiao Feng decided to stick up to his father and tell him how he felt. He was quoted as saying, “I can play or I can not play, it doesn’t bother me. I’m not looking for any job–I want to take some time to find one that suits me.”

Personally, I find that a sledgehammer to a PC case works far better. And for only a R100 plus expenses, I’ll wield the ultimate banhammer on your lazy sod of a child, and force them to get off the PC!

Call 0800-HAMMERTIME, right now, and get a free bumper sticker* !

(*I’m lying, you’ll get no such free goodies from me.)

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Author:Darryn Bonthuys

Because he's the writer that Lazygamer deserves, but not the one it actually needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can't take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a loud-mouthed journalist, a watchful procrastinator. A dork knight.

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