There’s still a fervent debate about whether or violent videogames negatively affect peoples’ psyches; especially when it comes to young minds. One camp, believes that violent video games turn children in to raging homicidal maniacs, while the other believes that violence in video games has little effect on those who are capable of separating fantasy from reality.
Still, it’s probably not a good idea to let your 7 year old play “Grim Bloody Manshoot Guts Explosion 5,” so Common Sense media has compiled a list of some of the most popular, most violent games and suggested alternative games for younger folk to play. It’s a noble initiative – if only they’d used, well, a little common sense. While they do suggest some rather good games that are most certainly worth playing, they can hardly be considered suitable alternatives, in that hardly any of them are remotely similar to the games they’re supposed to be replacing.
Here are their most violent games, and suggested alternatives.
Volition’s ultra-mental, ultra absurd and ultra-violent sandbox Saint’s row The Third isn’t suitable for children, though much of that has very little to do with the violence, and more to do with just how crude it is. So instead of that, they suggest your kids play: Mirror’s Edge, Batman: Arkham City, Skylanders Giants or Minecraft. Yes, all quite similar.
Instead of Dead Space 3, which features brutal and scary alien killing they suggest you kill aliens with your brain instead, by playing StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm. They also suggest that instead of playing agent 47’s latest misadventure in Hitman: Absolution, kids should instead play the morality-juggling Infamous 2. Instead of God of War: Ascension, they’d prefer your kids played the hack-and slash action alternative Portal 2. Wait, what?
They reckon Gears of War 3 is far too violent, so to get their Sci-fi kicks, they suggest people play Star Trek (I suggest nobody plays Star Trek) or LEGO Star Wars as a suitable alternative. they also think that zombie-slasher Dead Island Riptide is no good for impressionable minds, who should rather get their zombie-killing action from Plants vs Zombies. Hey, at least it’s got zombies, right? It makes a little more sense than their next suggestion, which is to switch out the ludicrous Shadows of the Damned – a game that features a talking Skull named Johnson that transforms in to a gun called “the Boner” – for Battleblock Theatre.
Oh, and if you were wondering what they suggested in place of Call of Duty: Black Ops 2, they thought that kids should swear at people’s moms in the wonderful fantasy RPG Ni No Kuni instead.
Apparently the list was compiled by “expert game reviewers, who play thousands of video games a year and contribute reviews to USA Today, National Post, AARP, and Yahoo!, as well as Common Sense Media.”
Last Updated: July 15, 2013
Admiral Chief Groot Wors
July 15, 2013 at 12:33
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight
Sageville
July 15, 2013 at 12:56
Dood, your dog still hooked on skin lightening creams?
Admiral Chief Groot Wors
July 15, 2013 at 13:07
A.) Not my Dog (haha)
B.) Wtf does skin “lightening” creams do?
C.) How the hell do you know this?
Sageville
July 15, 2013 at 13:34
A.) haha
B.) rly? They lighten your skin colour, (I know, the name is confusing), overuse does the opposite.
C.) I bothered to ask.
Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew
July 15, 2013 at 12:34
Great form, original style but didn’t quite stick the landing there guys.
Admiral Chief Groot Wors
July 15, 2013 at 12:35
Landing -3/10
Admiral Chief Groot Wors
July 15, 2013 at 12:35
Hey Geoff, slap in your Spirk review link for the readers. You know, for teh lulz and the infoz
Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew
July 15, 2013 at 13:00
SPIRK!
Sageville
July 15, 2013 at 13:03
Best review eva!
Ultimo_Cleric N7
July 15, 2013 at 12:37
Heart of the Swarm ( AN RTS) as a substitute for Deadspace (A FPS).
Ok then…..Also, Injustice Gods Among Us has Superman kill Billy Badson (a child with superpowers). Yip, perfect for kids to play…..
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 12:40
it has a child so its fine!
John Ambitious
July 15, 2013 at 12:45
I went slap facepalm when I read the Deadspace Starcraft tradeoff
Sageville
July 15, 2013 at 13:03
I wudda killed Shazam too.
Ultimo_Cleric N7
July 15, 2013 at 13:53
Lol
Troll Slayer
July 15, 2013 at 12:37
If games are too violent for you, you should be watching Days of Our Lives and be playing Uncharted.
Mark Treloar
July 15, 2013 at 12:39
Because soap opera murder and incest is so much better for you
Trevor Davies
July 15, 2013 at 12:41
It’s not incest, his mother’s uncle’s stepson’s daughter’s aunt’s father’s son was adopted.
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 12:42
days is such bullshit, I swear the creators are on crack. only time that show ever had any form of decent content was when marlana was possessed!!! lol and no I dont watch days just been unlucky to see it when flicking through the channels.
Ultimo_Cleric N7
July 15, 2013 at 12:43
John Black is immortal. Im convinced of it. He has been on that program longer than I have been alive. And Im 30
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 12:45
dude when your 80 john black will still be alive and days of our lives will still be going! atleast its better than bold and the beautiful. that shit is beyond fucked up. wanna fall asleep watch that. no plot no action no interest oh except one time saw a guy fall out a window (again while channel flicking)
Mark Treloar
July 15, 2013 at 12:49
now we don’t believe you anymore
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 12:52
I cant help it the mrs watches days and bold and beautiful not my fault!!!!
Sageville
July 15, 2013 at 12:55
“the mrs”…. riiiight
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 12:55
true story man
Ultimo_Cleric N7
July 15, 2013 at 12:57
There was a soapy on when I was in Varisty about some witch with a doll called Timmy that came to life. Think it was called Passions. Biggest load of crap I have ever seen on TV. Makes Jersey Shore look like Astrophyisics.
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 12:58
Yeah I heard about that one. I dunno why the lil retard kid is always Timmy its not fair!
Ultimo_Cleric N7
July 15, 2013 at 12:59
Sorry man, unlucky in the name department.
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 12:59
Yeah think my parents hated me lol
Mark Treloar
July 15, 2013 at 12:48
We believe you. really we do.
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 12:49
I knew that would happen…….. just a matter of time.
Sageville
July 15, 2013 at 12:51
Was it days or bold where the greek guy had some VR goggle that let him look at anything anywhere on the planet.
“Just pop on these bad boys and see what my evil twin is doing in his secret underground complex somewhere in the Bolivian rainforests….”
How is that bullshit, I ask you with tears streaming down my legs…
Ultimo_Cleric N7
July 15, 2013 at 12:43
And She KNEW he was cheating on her anyway. I hope she finds out that the cousin?husband is actually an alien. Omagosh!
John Ambitious
July 15, 2013 at 12:53
I have no idea what’s going on
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 12:55
I never know either….
Troll Slayer
July 15, 2013 at 13:09
I don’t need a soap opera in my gamez.
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 13:11
if I could kill John black in a game id be a happy man!
Zubayr Bhyat
July 15, 2013 at 12:39
Ooooookay. A gamer wrote this right?
Trevor Davies
July 15, 2013 at 12:40
1,000s of games a year? Pull the other one.
Zoe
July 15, 2013 at 12:44
1000s of games! with no concept of genre or content…
John Ambitious
July 15, 2013 at 12:50
And they want people to take them serious.
They have a point about violent games making people psychotic though, I mean just look at this site. We plot murders and exchange ritual ideas every day.
Umar Kiiroi Senk?
July 15, 2013 at 12:51
How dare you say that! that’s it, you’re dead!
Trevor Davies
July 15, 2013 at 12:55
Obviously, but how should we kill him? Games have taught us so many methods it’s hard to choose.
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 12:57
hitman alone has taught us many ways to kill someone, and battlefield and COD has taught us the art of warfare! if world went to shit the gamers will come to save us all.
John Ambitious
July 15, 2013 at 13:20
Please not like Dead Island with a pipe, or a bat….
Trevor Davies
July 15, 2013 at 13:37
Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with the knife.
Umar Kiiroi Senk?
July 15, 2013 at 13:45
with a SPOON!
Weanerdog
July 15, 2013 at 13:51
With a BLUNT spoon
Umar Kiiroi Senk?
July 15, 2013 at 13:52
a BLUNT SPOON dipped in POISON!
CaptainNemo42
July 15, 2013 at 14:45
The joke is that parents who doesn’t know any better will probably take them very seriously…
Vampyre Squirrel
July 15, 2013 at 14:46
I’ve never met anyone that can state that they’ve played close to 1000 games in a year… maybe they’re playing item finders and mobile games.
Trevor Davies
July 15, 2013 at 14:58
Well according to my phone I’ve played 941 games of Sudoku – I’m getting there 😀
Umar Kiiroi Senk?
July 15, 2013 at 12:43
Call of Duty … Alternative Ni No Kuni … SO MANY LOLZ!!!!!
Zoe
July 15, 2013 at 12:44
i nearly wet myself with that one! can you imagine…
Umar Kiiroi Senk?
July 15, 2013 at 12:45
How can you insult Oli’s mother when…..his mother is dead 🙁
Sageville
July 15, 2013 at 12:47
Foxhound R totally agrees.
Tru story!
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 12:48
alternative to xmen orgins wolverine the game……. Dead pool! LMAO!
John Ambitious
July 15, 2013 at 12:52
I think something that would make sense is to substitute like Dead Island with Minesweeper. I mean, apparently all games are interchangeable, and Minesweeper doesn’t have ANY violence.
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 12:54
if you touch the mine you die thats violence! lol
Sageville
July 15, 2013 at 12:54
Dood, Dead Island Hello Kitty Island Adventure
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 12:54
Id die if i played that 0_o
Sageville
July 15, 2013 at 12:56
but it’s on an island, hence totally comparative.
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 12:57
you know hello kitty is evil! satanic actually
Sageville
July 15, 2013 at 13:01
Hello Kitty and Barney do actually rule the underworld. Theyre badass.
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 13:03
you know the teletubies were herion junkies and poe was tinkywinkies bitch. Thats the world we live in.
Sageville
July 15, 2013 at 13:04
Hey, don’t mock the TTs, some of my bestest stoned moments involve them.
TiMsTeR1033
July 15, 2013 at 13:06
Barney will sort them out!
John Ambitious
July 15, 2013 at 12:54
Oh that’s great
John Ambitious
July 15, 2013 at 12:44
Wow, they really know their games it seems….
CrasH
July 15, 2013 at 12:46
Common Sence… so rare, it’s considered a super power these days….
Sageville
July 15, 2013 at 12:46
…compiled by “expert game reviewers, who play thousands of video games a year and contribute reviews to USA Today, National Post, AARP, and Yahoo!”
Coz when I need gaming info I always turn to USA Today!….
Said no gamer ever.
RinceWind
July 15, 2013 at 13:30
I think the only homicidal aniac here is Geoff’s ability to copy check, trolololo! Still, what a silly list!
Weanerdog
July 15, 2013 at 13:56
Don’t let your kid play Mario, my 5 year old loses his shit with that plumber.
Vampyre Squirrel
July 15, 2013 at 14:45
Saints Row 3… alternative… Batman: Gotham City (yeah that’s a non-violent trade-off).
I wonder what their alternative for The Witcher would be… lmao
Wtf101
July 15, 2013 at 15:10
From the article, referring to God of War: “…and the game’s protagonist is so vengeance-obsessed that he kills just about every creature he comes in contact with.”
Kratos: National spokesman for Hugz R Us…