Home Gaming Which organs would you need to sell to actually buy new gaming hardware?

Which organs would you need to sell to actually buy new gaming hardware?

2 min read
44

Organs

We often post new hardware, toys and gadgets here that we’d easily sell our organs for, or keep a bathtub stocked with ice the next time solicitors pop on down to our offices. That’s a favourite joke in any circle, but have you ever really been that desperate? Have you ever actually thought of chopping off a limb or going under the knife just so that you can have the newest gear?

Well good news folks. Not only is Lazygamer clued up on the black market due to dealings that made us rich beyond our wildest dreams when we sold 9/10 scores, but we know a little something something about organ harvesting as well. So if you really, really want a new iPad and can do without some of your skin, we can make a deal with some shady chaps lurking in the back alley over there.

I’m using a case example from Medical Transcript here, via Gizmodo. Numbers from around the world which are largely the same and with few fluctuations between other accredited sources:

  • Pair of Eyeballs: $1,525
  • Scalp: $607
  • Skull with Teeth: $1,200
  • Shoulder: $500
  • Coronary Artery: $1,525
  • Heart: $119,000
  • Liver: $157,000
  • Hand and Forearm: $385
  • Pint of Blood: $337
  • Spleen: $508
  • Stomach: $508
  • Small Intestine: $2,519
  • Kidney: $262,000
  • Gallbladder: $1,219
  • Skin: $10 per square inch

That’s not too bad. If those numbers are real, then selling off a spleen (MY SPLEEN!) will net you most of what you need for an HTC Vive or at least an iPad that is relevant for this year. If you’re a complete teetotaller like myself, then you can easily do without a liver and buy 327 of the HTC VR kits. Fun for the whole family!

In fact, I’ve translated the list even further, to show you what some fresh organs are worth in nerdy monetary terms:

  • Pair of Eyeballs: Almost two HTC Vives
  • Scalp: $607 worth of cat penises pennies
  • Skull with Teeth: One MSI Intel Core i7-6700HQ & NVIDIA GeForce GTX 960M gaming laptop
  • Shoulder: Pepper Potts and Mark IX Iron Man collectible Hot Toys figures for Darryn
  • Coronary Artery: Three iPad Airs with 32gb storage
  • Heart: 748 Black Series Star Wars Lightsabers
  • Liver: 21017 DVDs of the Oscar-winning 1994 Street Fighter movie that starred Jean Claude Van Damme and Raul Julia
  • Hand and Forearm: At least one LEGO kit
  • Pint of Blood: At least another LEGO kit
  • Spleen: The rest of the LEGO kit, this is the last time I mention LEGO I promise
  • Stomach: A very cool and realitsic Freddy Krueger mask made from soft silicone
  • Small Intestine: At least ten Hot Toys Iron Man figures for D’s House Party sixth-scale protocol plans
  • Kidney: Even more f***ing LEGO, yes I am a liar
  • Gallbladder: At least one night’s stay in Nkandla
  • Skin: Silk toilet paper per square inch

Of course, chances are that you’ll be massively stiffed in the end by unscrupulous black marketers who’ll most likely leave you with just a few hundred dollars after deducting various costs and expenses from your trip to the surgery. But then again, it’s not my organs on the line here, as I quitely drop sleeping pills into Matty’s favourite soda…

    Last Updated: March 1, 2016

    44 Comments

    1. Kidney: $262,000? I’ll sell mine now!

      Reply

      • Deceased

        March 2, 2016 at 06:54

        My exact response

        Reply

      • RustedFaith

        March 3, 2016 at 18:20

        Wait for the rand to drop more first 🙂

        Reply

        • Hammersteyn

          March 4, 2016 at 08:06

          hahahaha

          Reply

      • Praveen Kumar

        March 28, 2016 at 17:56

        we will buy from you $280,000.00

        Reply

    2. Hammersteyn

      March 1, 2016 at 15:06

      Not sure where the header is from but the balloon glove kinda underplays the horror

      Reply

      • The D

        March 1, 2016 at 15:07

        • Hammersteyn

          March 1, 2016 at 15:08

          I am ashamed.
          *Leaves planet

          Reply

          • Commander Admiral Chief

            March 1, 2016 at 15:33

            COME BAAAAAAAAAACK

            Reply

            • Alien Emperor Trevor

              March 1, 2016 at 15:35

              Steyn!, Come back, Steyn!

    3. Alien Emperor Trevor

      March 1, 2016 at 15:08

      You’d probably get a bit more for Matty & Sandy, they work out so their organs should be in good nick. Plus you’ll have a bit more time to shop them around because they’ll be a bit preserved with all that salt, vinegar & peri-peri.

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        March 1, 2016 at 15:09

        Plus you’ll get triple for Matty’s scalp

        Reply

        • Alien Emperor Trevor

          March 1, 2016 at 15:10

          You could shear him, knit a unique sweater & sell it a collector.

          Reply

          • Commander Admiral Chief

            March 1, 2016 at 15:31

            You could knit a unique sweater COLLECTION

            Reply

    4. oVg

      March 1, 2016 at 15:20

      This one

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        March 1, 2016 at 15:22

        Your male organ? No don’t!

        Reply

        • oVg

          March 1, 2016 at 15:23

          My GOD organ

          Reply

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            March 1, 2016 at 15:36

            Reply

            • RinceThis

              March 1, 2016 at 15:45

              You don’t know what he’s saying, do you 0_O

            • Alien Emperor Trevor

              March 1, 2016 at 15:47

              That implies I’d have to listen to him. :/

            • RinceThis

              March 1, 2016 at 15:49

              WOW!

    5. Jan Prins

      March 1, 2016 at 15:23

      Skull with Teeth. Hmmmm. Think I will keep mine.

      Reply

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        March 1, 2016 at 15:26

        I’ve got a few I can spare…

        Reply

    6. Greylingad[CNFRMD]

      March 1, 2016 at 15:30

      Take my liver!! I’ll put in a sports car air filter from Midas, nothing could go wrong…

      Reply

    7. Commander Admiral Chief

      March 1, 2016 at 15:34

      I need a 3D printer, gonna print me some kidneys!

      Reply

    8. Unavengedavo

      March 1, 2016 at 15:39

      The scalp is by far the easiest to hide while transporting, just shave your head clean and then wear the donor scalp as a wig… uh… Not that I would know anything about that

      Reply

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        March 1, 2016 at 15:41

        I hide the kidneys in a steak pie. I mean, a friend does.

        Reply

        • Unavengedavo

          March 1, 2016 at 15:42

          But it’s no use if it’s cooked. Unless you are providing it to cannibals or you are pulling a Sweeny Todd O_o

          Reply

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            March 1, 2016 at 15:44

            No one looks that closely at a steak & kidney pie.

            Reply

        • HvR

          March 1, 2016 at 22:34

          At South African airport the custom official will probably confiscate for inspection over lunch break.

          Reply

    9. RinceThis

      March 1, 2016 at 15:44

      How about a soul? I have some lying around here that i don’t need…

      Reply

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        March 1, 2016 at 15:44

        Oh, you on a diet?

        Reply

        • RinceThis

          March 1, 2016 at 15:45

          Looks are on the inside!

          Reply

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            March 1, 2016 at 15:48

            Faces taste like chicken!

            Reply

            • RinceThis

              March 1, 2016 at 15:49

              What have you been doing?!

            • Unavengedavo

              March 1, 2016 at 16:01

              Bath Salts? O_o

    10. konfab

      March 1, 2016 at 16:50

      Pint of Blood: $337

      And I am donating this stuff 0___________o

      Reply

    11. Raptor Rants

      March 1, 2016 at 17:29

      *checks browser*

      Ok… This is not a tor browser… Why does it feel like I’ve stumbled across the dark web here????

      Reply

    12. Deceased

      March 2, 2016 at 06:55

      Soooo @Darryn_Bonthuys:disqus

      Where can I find these black-market people you speak of?
      And on a totally unrelated note – when are you planning on sleeping again?

      Reply

    13. HairyEwok

      March 2, 2016 at 09:31

      Pint of blood price isn’t too bad….. at least you can get blood back.

      Reply

    14. ElimiNathan

      March 2, 2016 at 09:38

      How is a kidney worth more than a heart. LOL

      Reply

    15. Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

      March 2, 2016 at 11:25

      What… no price for testicles?

      Reply

      • VampyreSquirrel

        March 2, 2016 at 12:31

        I doubt you’ll EVER find a pair of “slightly used” testicles XD

        Reply

        • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

          March 2, 2016 at 19:41

          Man beans for sale: Previously Owned!

          Reply

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