Let’s be honest here: Those Star Wars prequels were sort of…kak. Okay, they were genuinely terrible. But much like a real-life turd, they also had some potential nuts of brilliance hidden within them. I’m talking scenes such as seeing that kid from The Sixth Sense pod-race, the duel with Darth Maul, the Clone Army attack on Geonosis and the epic battle between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker. Moments which helped shape a great CGI spin-off series for several years. Which has in turn, shaped the look of Disney Infinity.
Evolve. A great game, for the two weeks or so that it held the attention of anyone who bought it. But it just never had that certain staying power, with players quickly dropping off and pursuing other titles instead. If there’s one complaint that I had with Evolve, it’s that a quick game would usually result in 15 minutes of chasing a monster in a circle while the Benny Hill theme played in the background. It got a bit tedious, is what I’m saying. But for the tens of you still playing Evolve? The action is about to pick up.
Stupid teenagers. Stupid teenagers doing sex stuff while ignoring the hidden terrors around them and being blissfully unaware that their lives are about to be cut shorter than than my attempt at 15 seconds of fame on the X-Factor. Thing is, it’s hard being an attractive person/cliché in a horror movie. What, you think being the lovable weed-smoker is an easy role? That takes training! And dedication! The kind of dedication that you’ll need to survive the night in Until Dawn.
Favourite Sith Lord? Easily Darth Maul. Let’s face it, in a film that’ll best be remembered as the Star Wars flick where Darkman was this close to murdering an actual CGI character while Renton from Trainspotting watched on, Darth Maul was easily the highlight. A whirling engine of hate, horns and tattoos, the moment you saw Maul getting ready to take on both Jedi at the same time was the moment that you’d sat through that damn Gungan attack scene. Darth Maul may be half the Sith Lord he used to be, but his upcoming collectible action figure is looking mighty fine.
It’s been a while since Star Wars was in arcades. Almost as long as it took me to finally forget about Jar Jar Binks…dammit. Still, it’s great to see Star Wars alive and kicking. It’s even better to see it doing so with an arcade cabinet that features proper lights, sounds and a kickass visual system. And it’s a system that you can actually own. For close to $100 000.
KAIBA! It’s been a while since I’ve felt like having a D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DUEL in the world of Yu-Gi-Oh. A world where your status as a main character in any of the spin-off shows, is determined by the goofiness of your hair. And possibly if said hairstyle is capable of gouging out an eye or two. It’s all fun and card games on motorcycles until somebody loses an eye. The last time a Yu Gi Oh game was released, was last year’s 3DS half-effort. But it looks like Konami is getting ready to synchro-summon a new game in the series.
LEGO Dimensions? Check. Disney Infinity 3.0? Check. Broken wallet? Double-check! These days, Christmas shopping may be just as expensive as ever, but at least it’s a little bit easier. And that’s because kids love the toys to life genre. It’s a genre that Activision’s Skylanders not only created, but improved on every year with annual releases adding more characters to the game. The franchise however, has been oddly quiet throughout 2015. By now, a new game has normally been announced in time for parents to take out a second mortgage on their home. And if the rumours are true, it looks like Skylanders is bringing back another forgotten genre of gaming: Kart racing.
Cast your minds back to last year. It’s September 2014, and the most anticipated and hyped game of the year, Destiny, has finally landed. And it’s somehow both great and terrible. There’s a ton of content available in the vanilla edition of the game, but it’s hardly explained. There’s a wall that’s quickly hit, with the first DLC expansion The Dark Below, not exactly patching things up. House of Wolves will most likely end up being just as polarising as Destiny itself. But it does so with an absolute ton of new content that gives the game the upgrade that it needs.
You ever been in a batsuit? I have. Much like a trip to Brakpan in the summer, it’s hot, sweaty and smells of rubber when you’re inside a full-body replica. But dammit, Batman will always have the coolest costumes, just another reason why I dig the character. As usual, there’ll be plenty of ostumes to choose from in Batman: Arkham Knight, provided that you pony up and pre-order the game or any of its special editions and forget about waiting a year for the GOTY edition. But only one costume will take Batman beyond…his usual threads.
You just can’t keep a good zombie down! Well you can, but it’s icky, sticky and tricky work when you think about it. And you also risk losing your favourite spade, because if you don’t shove it correctly between a particular set of vertebrae, then the edge could be buggered for life. What was I talking about again? Oh yes, Resident Evil! Resident Evil Zero to be specific. And the upcoming 2016 HD remaster to be even more specific…er.
What, you thought Avengers: Age of Ultron wouldn’t see more Iron Man merchandise released? Well you’re wrong! Dead wrong! Because not only is Tony Stark coming back with a bang to your shelf, but he’s bringing an Iron Legion with him.
In a world crippled by the unending loneliness of MySpace and the unrelenting onslaught of My Little Pony fans, who can you count on to provide free news content laced with poorly written dick and fart jokes? Lazygamer of course! So join us for another unexpected adventure of the Lazygamer crew this week! Dundundundundudndudndadaaddaaaaa!
Tired of slaying monsters? Need to lay down your silver sword and pick up your “dagger”? Well my fellow Witchers, I know what you’re talking about. It’s time to get it on in the bed instead of the forest. It’s time to hunt for love, not monsters. So hit the link, and read on about how love is ready to set sail in The Witcher 3. Oooh baby it’s a wild hunt.
Will Star Citizen ever be released? It’s the current gaming industry Moby Dick, a massive whale that drives many a backer to go mad with tantalising glimpses at the game to be that was paid for in part with over $75 million from their wallets. One day, it’ll release, but until then, the game is just going to keep on growing. How big is it right now then? Big enough that I can now vaguely segue my Moby Dick reference and use the word Gigabooty to describe the size of this project.
Formula One! It’s like NASCAR, except drivers can turn left and right! It’s also boring, exorbitantly expensive for teams and run by what I assume to be Dobby from the Harry Potter books, who found himself a wig. While the “sport” may sound like a Death Star run with more TIE fighters on your tail than usual, it’s still prime material for the gaming industry, with Codemasters cranking out an annual F1 game just in time for the motorsport season. This year’s particular iteration however, is going to be delayed by a month.