Star Trek Review Round Up – The wrath of Khan’t play it 
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Darryn Bonthuys
April 26, 2013 at 3:30 pm

Brown Alert

Video games. The final frontier. These are the adventures of the SS Lens Flare. It’s ongoing mission: To chart the co-op of the new Star Trek video game. To boldly go where no noob has gone before. DAAAA DA DA DA! DA DA DA DAAAAAA DA DA!

The reviews are out for Star Trek: The Video Game, and it looks like it’s headed at warp speed 9 to bargain bins around the world. Geoff’s busy playing it right now, and as soon as we can get the medical doc working so that we can wake him from his coma, we’ll have a review of our own up.

Here’s what the critics have to say so far:

CVG – 4.5/10

There are some decent ideas in here – like being able to scan the environment, Metroid Prime-style, with the tricorder – but they’re outweighed by flat combat, clunky controls, and uninspiring level design. Strip away the licence and you’re left with an underwhelming shooter punctuated by endless hacking mini-games and woeful space combat.

Eurogamer – 6/10

It all adds up to a game that is never as good as it should be, nor as bad as it often seems. Too much of the game design is fighting against itself, with clever ideas subservient to generic structure, strong writing weighed down by clunky production, rich combat held back by execution that never dares ask too much of the player. It requires patience and forgiveness to find it, but the good stuff is worth the effort.

Polygon – 3/10

Star Trek has picked up practically every bad habit of the past five years of game design. Hinky ledge traversal. An arbitrary upgrade system. Hacking mini-games that evolve from “dull” to “Ambien” through the course of the game. Samey secondary weapons…It’s almost messianic in its willingness to take all of gaming’s sins onto its rickety frame.

Hardcore Gamer Magazine – 1.5/5

It falls completely on its ass in every category. Generic shooting, incredibly poor artificial intelligence and glitchy bug-ridden gameplay amounts to nothing more than a meager attempt to cash in on next month’s film.

Digital Spy – 2/5

Digital Extremes clearly set out to develop a game that is more than a mere licensed cash-in, but Star Trek is a title with big problems, from camera issues to ropey cover and platforming mechanics.
Although the studio set out to please the diehard Trekkies by embracing the source material, they will find far more satisfactory co-op experiences elsewhere.

Pretty harsh reviews overall for the game. Talk about a captain’s log…

Because he's the writer that Lazygamer deserves, but not the one it actually needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can't take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a loud-mouthed journalist, a watchful procrastinator. A dork knight.

  • Deon Steyn

    Another broken messy game is released upon the world and I was looking forward to it too…

    • Rincethis: Beeralicious

      Hhaahahahah! Well done sir, you made me laugh.

    • HvR

      So that is how they make sweet and sour duck .

      • http://twitter.com/SaveTheQueenIX umar bastra

        Creamy duck soup

      • Deon Steyn

        It’s all in the stuffing

        • HvR

          Puts is new spin on self basting.

        • HvR

          Checkers should market this Turkfucken “Turkey stuffed with chicken stuffed with duck stuffed with dog …”

          • Deon Steyn

            It’s got a real bite I’ll tell you that.

    • LordCaptainAwesomeness

      Probably the same Dev team they did not have on Aliens:Colonial Marines…

      • HvR

        The duck will probably do a better job at developing games if you dangle a keyboard in front of its rostrum while the dog is busy.

    • Rincethis: Beeralicious

      • Deon Steyn

        The dog would be more confused?

        • Super Rince Lvl2

          Haha!

        • Aussious

          It would hump your leg.

    • OldVideoGamer

      ROFL BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

    • HvR

      9 months later a CoD player hatched

      • Deon Steyn

        Oof, nut shot!

      • Super Rince Lvl2

        NICE! HAHAHAHAH! (Hope Gavin isn’t looking…)

        • HvR

          sorry type
          *CHESS player

          • HvR

            I’ve got a Dominican Republic layout keyboard my HE key next to my O and my D key next to my SS key.

    • Yateen Dayaram

      haha this reminds me of my friend…uhm he used to say that phrase a lot

  • http://twitter.com/SaveTheQueenIX umar bastra

    batlhHa’ vanglu’taHvIS quv chavbe’lu’.
    One does not achieve honor while acting dishonorably.

    Shame on you Namco

    • Deon Steyn

      Christopher Loyd – Wrath of Kahn?

      • http://twitter.com/SaveTheQueenIX umar bastra

        Death By Lava. These companies need to be thrown in Lava.

      • http://twitter.com/SaveTheQueenIX umar bastra

        Not sure if it’s kruge that said that, just remembered the saying so looked up the klingon.

  • Rincethis: Beeralicious

    No KAPLA here I think…

  • Rincethis: Beeralicious

    This really pisses me off. Why can’t they get it right with this amazing IP? For fucksake! RAGE LEVEL 100000

    • Rincethis: Beeralicious

      Wow, my rage was so strong it stepped out of my avatar, and entered as a GUEST 0_O

      • Twakkie

        Lol… you have ascended to the next level.

        • Super Rince Lvl2

          I’m so happy! Insert Paltrow speech.

        • Super Rince Lvl2

          I’m so happy! Insert Paltrow speech.

      • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

        Super Rince Lvl2

        • Super Rince Lvl2

          Awesome!

          • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

            Lol. Goku would be proud of you

          • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

            Hahaha! You actually changed your name! Nice :)

      • Deon Steyn

        You almost broke the comment section!

        • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

          With a break in the space time continuum 0.o

          • Deon Steyn

            LOL, Spock?

          • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

            Yes?

          • Deon Steyn

            I KNEW IT!

          • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

            I never was good with disguises

  • Rincethis: Beeralicious

    The build up to this game was like the build up to that failed comic CON in Cape Town. Lots of whispers, not tangible reviews, and a shitload of bullshit.

  • Sageville

    I was tempted….

    No longer, thanks LG for saving me money!

  • Rincethis: Beeralicious

    Where the hell is OVG, he needs a beer and 16 pages for rage on this topic!

    • Deon Steyn

      Seems like you are feeling better? Even Gameloft released a shitty Iron Man 3 game for IOS. Just to make a quick buck :(

      • http://twitter.com/SaveTheQueenIX umar bastra

        F*** Gameloft, grrr I hate that company

      • Rincethis: Beeralicious

        I am slowly climbing towards 50% functionality. I think I can boost that to 75% with a glass of wine. Then probably up to 85% with another, then it’s all downhill from there…

        • Deon Steyn

          Rollercoaster of life.

      • HvR

        They’ve been doing this for 3 decades, name one good game based on a movie and released at the same time as the movie.

        • Deon Steyn

          Yet people keeps on buying this shit.

          • Aussious

            I agree we are largely to blame for all the garbage being released every year… We keep voting with our wallets! If anyone is a father or a mother here I beg of you please stop buying licensed games for your kids, because that’s where it starts! The sole reason Nintendo exists is to help nature young children into being better cultured gamers. Give your kids a fighting chance give them Mario or Donkey Kong.

        • http://twitter.com/SaveTheQueenIX umar bastra

          wolverine was decent

        • Rincethis: Beeralicious

          I know! Aliens: Colonial Marines?! 0_O Too soon?

        • Kromas

          Scott Pilgrim vs. the world:the game

          • Kromas

            oh and Goldeneye for the N64

  • Lourens Jordaan

    Well, look on the bright side, at least its better than the last movie.

    • Deon Steyn

      I kinda liked the last movie, Eric Bana was a awesome bad guy :-/

      • Rincethis: Beeralicious

        there was a bad guy? 0_O

        • Deon Steyn

          Well he did destroy the Vulcan home planet, but he also got rid of Winona Rider in the same breath so I see your point.

          • Rincethis: Beeralicious

            Exactly. There has to be balance in the universe. I think murdering Winona Spoke Rider was a positive start to the new canon. Though I would have liked for the transporter to have removed a few limbs last minute for good meassure.

        • Lourens Jordaan

          Nope, just bad acting.

          • Deon Steyn

            Who? Where?

          • Lourens Jordaan

            Everyone everywhere. Yes I said it!

          • Deon Steyn

            Shucks I don’t know. Everyone I know liked it, it even got 95% on Rotten Tomatoes. Did you like the older Star Trek movies better?

          • Lourens Jordaan

            95% rotten 5 %fresh?

          • Deon Steyn

            Haha no not exactly.

          • Rincethis: Beeralicious

            Hey, I don’t think you can accuse him of acting. I don’t think his plot allowed for that…

      • Lourens Jordaan

        Sorry dude, but I couldn’t find more than 10 minutes of entertainment in that movie. It was just off some how. Nothing worked for me.

        • Deon Steyn

          Not even the action scenes? I thought it started great with the death of Kirks father, what a way to start the franchise over.

          • Super Rince Lvl2

            Agreed, I also liked the scene where they parachute onto the drill. The sound of them breathing and nothing else. Not to mention they paid nice homage to the death of the extra security officer! Mwahahaha!

          • Deon Steyn

            This really is the first person I heard of that did not like the movie…

          • Super Rince Lvl2

            Agreed, I don’t know anyone who didn’t love it. I thought it paid homage to the original series in a very good way. Was also accessible to people who knew nothing about Trek. But then again I am biased as I’ve been a Trekkie for years.

          • Super Rince Lvl2

            Agreed, I don’t know anyone who didn’t love it. I thought it paid homage to the original series in a very good way. Was also accessible to people who knew nothing about Trek. But then again I am biased as I’ve been a Trekkie for years.

          • Lourens Jordaan

            I’m seriously shocked. All I’m saying is it was hard to relate to a story where you are a rookie on your first star-ship and automatically next in line for the captaincy five seconds later. I don’t get it, I think I never will.

          • Deon Steyn

            Everybody ahead of him died. He was also training to be a captain as seen with the Kobayashi Maru simulation.

          • Lourens Jordaan

            Oh captain my captain! I can dig it. I’ll watch it again (shivers running down my spine). Maybe its like Avatar… I hated the movie untill I watched it again ignoring the smurfs and actually enjoyed the movie immensely by only focusing on visual effects. So I’ll give it another go.

          • Purple_Dragon

            Yes, I’m surprised too. I thought it was bloody brilliant movie. Lots of people thought so too!

          • Deon Steyn

            This really is the first person I heard of that did not like the movie…

          • Lourens Jordaan

            I’m shocked. I just checked IMDB and it has a current rating of 8/10!!! I gave it a 2. The worst score I ever give a movie and I watch a crap load of movies! I hated every second of it… Maybe its not the movie, maybe its just me…… nope, it was definitely the movie!

          • Deon Steyn

            Okay top 5 movies that you did like?

          • Lourens Jordaan

            I don’t have a top 5. There are movies that I love that are incredibly bad (Spaceballs) and there are movies that were actually really good which I didn’t like (Perks of being a wallflower). In a movie I don’t like, I can still appreciate techniques of story telling, photography, special effects and acting. The problem being that I personally found very little redeeming value in the Star Trek reboot. Several of people I know feel the same way as I do. It comes down to personal preference and I’d prefer never to see that again.

          • Deon Steyn

            That’s to bad, what about the previous Star Trek movies?

          • Lourens Jordaan

            Haven’t watched them in a while but I did enjoy some of them. I’ll have a marathon this weekend… yeaaaaaaah!!!

          • HvR

            Do you like loafers, old man caps, skinny jeans and being green?

          • Lourens Jordaan

            You calling me a moffie? lol
            Nope, I don’t hug or smoke trees.

          • Lourens Jordaan

            I’m shocked. I just checked IMDB and it has a current rating of 8/10!!! I gave it a 2. The worst score I ever give a movie and I watch a crap load of movies! I hated every second of it… Maybe its not the movie, maybe its just me…… nope, it was definitely the movie!

  • Aussious

    Surprise surprise…

  • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

    Ah comeon… as a huge Trek fan, this sucks COD monkey Balls.

    Essentially what this means is that Mass Effect still provides you with the best Star Trek-like experience. :*( I’m actually livid. How is it so difficult to make a Star Trek game? With all that lore, and the fact that the franchise has had some revitalising blood pumped into it (especially after the shit that was Star Trek Voyager)… HOW… HOW CAN IT BE THAT…. NO ONE CAN DO STAR TREK JUSTICE? HOLY CRAP!!! STAR SHIPS… ALIENS…. DIPLOMACY…

    What Star Trek needs is a developer that takes it seriously, and like what Rocksteady did with Batman, just put some lead in its pencil. I’m so angry right now, I’m going to go punch my xbox.

    • Aussious

      Two words Bioware + Star Trek make it happen Casey! Actually 3 words but who is counting?

    • Kromas

      I was (and still am) happy with Elite force and also Star trek Online ain’t half bad for a free game.

    • Deon Steyn

      Movie cash in. Except Star Trek = Sci-Fi. Sci-Fi = Mostly Gamers. Gamers doesn’t fall for this bullshit anymore. I hope the sales reflects this.

  • matthurstrsa

    You need developers that are actually trekkies to develop this sort of game. The fans are so hardcore, you have to put passion into it. Very sad this.

  • Yateen Dayaram

    guess I’ll just stick to watching the movie then